Page 14 of Scores Of The Heart

She’s staring at me at my sudden change in demeanor. Tears stream down my face. I feel hot and clammy and like I might hurl.

How could he do this to me?

We’ve grown up together! Damon is my best friend.

Why is he screwing Jessica? We made a deal!

All the thoughts run through my head at once as we run home. I pull Caitlin along and she keeps nagging at me about what’s wrong, but I don’t want to talk about it.

I want to pretend this horrible thing never happened.

I witnessed my future husband having sex with someone else!

When I burst through the door at home, I run up the stairs and lock myself in my room. Throwing myself on the bed and crying for the next hour.

Dad isn’t home yet, and Mom and Caitlin keep banging on the door to let them in.

But I don’t want to. I never want to see anyone again.

I don’t know what any of it means. But I know he’s ruined me.

What did he even mean, the temptation got too much?

We’ve made out tons, but when things get heated and it’s moving too fast, we both pull back. He’s felt me up over my shirt, but we’ve never had any kind of skin on skin contact.

We can’t do that. It’s not allowed until we’re married.

I stare at my tear-streaked face in the mirror, wondering what the hell she has that I don’t. Is it because she has such a big chest and I don’t in comparison?

I stare down at myself, trying to work out where I went wrong.

She’s way prettier than I am. I’ve always been kind of unusual, with large brown eyes and fair skin. Why does he want her and not me?

The fact he’s obviously just a horny teenager escapes my attention. I just want to forget.

I don’t want to go back out tonight. Maybe I can fake an illness and stay home. They can all choke on Pastor Dan’s birthday cake for all I care. It’s not a nice thought, but neither is what I witnessed today. I’m in complete shock.

I can’t even work out if I should tell anyone from the church.

Why should I protect them? It’s all just too surreal to wrap my head around, and I’m too embarrassed to be able to ever face my parents about this.

That is until they ask what’s going on with me and Damon. We’ve been inseparable for years. Obviously, he was not really attached to all of our hopes and dreams.

I know I can’t forgive him for this, ever. I don’t care how much he repents. How can I erase that kind of betrayal from my brain? What I saw was too much.

I don't know how I will ever show my face again... It’s just too embarrassing and humiliating…. He can’t get away with this.

I shake my head at the memory. It plays on me from time to time.

It’s taken years of separation from the place I grew up, the church, and the people involved to really be able to put it behind me. Damon even came groveling back at one point. It was super awkward when our moms got us to sit down together. That’s when I thought I was going to lose it completely.

Once again, my dad was at work, so he had no idea about it. I heard him fighting with Mom afterwards, and that made me feel somewhat better…

“Mom, I don’t want to talk to Damon!” I don’t even care that days later, I’m still keeping tight-lipped about what happened. And I’m sure it’s obvious to my parents that it’s to do with him.

“Damon’s mother said you didn’t show up to study practice, Cindy. What’s going on?” Mom asks.

Just his name makes me shudder.

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