Page 77 of Scores Of The Heart

“That, and I have a few trust issues,” she sighs.

I glance at her as she drives. “Trust issues?”

“Do you really wanna hear this?”

“Of course I do. I wanna know all the things about you, Cindy. We both have a past before we met.”

“That’s true,” she says. “But this isn’t your average story. And I’ve never really told it to anyone other than my best friends.”

“Well, you can tell me,” I say. “If you want to.”

I can tell she’s thinking about it from the way she stares ahead and her lips press together. I don’t want to push her, but I want to know as much as I can.

The good. The bad. The ugly. She’s safe with me. I want her to know that.

“I want to, Tyler. It’s just a lot. There’s stuff to do with my upbringing, and some of what happened in senior year still upsets me.”

“I only ever want you to talk about what you feel comfortable with,” I say. “And anything you say is between us.”

“I appreciate that, Ty.”

She still hesitates, so I keep talking, hoping if I share something, she might feel more comfortable doing the same.

“You’ve probably noticed I’m not really that guy everyone says I am. I was with my ex for a year. But in the end I didn’t feel the connection with her, and she didn’t like me being away so much. That caused a lot of problems.” I glance at her. “I’m not saying I’m a saint by any means. Girls have come and go over the years, but it’s not like that with you. I know you’re different from girls I’ve known, in a good way, and I like it.”

She glances at me and then back at the road.

Of course, I also want to know which motherfuckers hurt her. Hopefully, we’ll get to that.

“You don’t have to be a saint,” she says. “And I appreciate you telling me that.”

“I don’t want to keep anything from you. I want you to know I’m not just in this for a good time.”

“Yeah, you may have noticed I don’t exactly do the casual thing.”

“That doesn’t phase me one bit. I’ve been there and done that and I’m sorry for how blunt that sounds. I thought things were real between me and my ex, but I realized we weren’t in love. And just because I didn’t make that commitment to her, doesn’t mean I’m not capable of that with someone else.”

“When you find the right one, it’ll just happen, kind of thing?”

“Yeah, I believe it’s something like that. Stacey wanted to move in and take things to the next level, but I wasn’t feeling the same because she wanted all of my time. It just wasn’t possible when I travel so much. She’d make me feel bad for being away, even though it’s part of my job. There’s nothing I can do about that while I’m still playing.”

“That would be hard trying to have a relationship when the other person wants you there all the time,” she agrees. “I know the ins and outs of how things work with hockey. I guess it’s a different story sometimes living it.”

“Totally.”

“Well, my thing blows the whole noncommittal thing out of the window,” she says.

I listen intently, not wanting to interrupt while she wants to talk about it. And I need to get to the bottom of it. “It stemmed from my childhood sweetheart, Damon.”

I’m not sure if it’s me or if I noticed a shudder run through her body when she says his name.

“Our parents were friends and we grew up together. We went to the same church and formed a romantic relationship in high school. Our parents were all intent on us getting together after school and we had plans to get married after college. That was until one day when my sister Caitlin and I were dropping off Pastor Dan’s birthday cake and I caught Damon having sex with Jessica Plath in the utility room.” Her voice shakes as she’s speaking. Understandably, it’s still a very upsetting thing for her. I hazard a guess that it was probably around ten years ago.

“Cindy, I’m so sorry.”

She shrugs ruefully. “Yeah, they were doing it right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t believe it. Then he tried to say it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“That’s terrible,” I say. “Did your parents find out?”

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