Page 31 of Mine to Tease

“I want nothing to do with your brother, Anastasia, and I’ve made that clear to him since the day I met him. I don’t report to him or share information about you with anyone. The extent of my relationship with Aidan is he transfers money into an account for me every month as payment for my services. Money that I haven’t even touched because one, I have enough, and two, something about it has never really felt right. If there’s an emergency or something important that I need to discuss with him, like what happened tonight with those men, I have his number. But I don’t make a habit of using it. And as far as our relationship is concerned, it is none of your brother’s business until you decide you’re ready to tell him. That is, if we even still have a relationship?”

Ana takes another sip of wine from the bottle and begins pacing the length of the kitchen. I give her time to think in silence until she stumbles and has to catch herself against the cabinet. “Ah!” She winces as her wounded hand presses into the edge of the countertop. I move toward her and pick her up so quickly she doesn’t even have time to protest.

“Sit down before you pass out.” At that, I place her on a clean portion of the kitchen island. “Now, I know this has been a lot, and I know we may not solve this tonight, but if it helps…I don’t think you don’t know how to believe me. Because, even though you say you feel like you don’t know me, you do. The man you’ve gotten to know over the past three months is real. The only thing I kept from you was my involvement with the Mafia and my arrangement with your brother. You do know me and so you know that I love you. You know that I would never use you against your brother. You know that I would never fuck you as part of some vendetta. And, if I would, if I did, then I wouldn’t be here right now begging you to forgive me. Forgive me—that’s what I think you truly don’t know how to do. And that’s okay, baby, it is.”

“How is that okay? How is any of this okay?” she asks, slapping her hand down against her thigh. As she does, she flinches and sways as if woozy. Quickly, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, rinse her cut, and wrap her hand in paper towels.

“That’ll hold for a few more minutes, but that’s it. Then I’m going to have to take a closer look.”

“You?”

“It’s part of my training. I’m pretty skilled at giving stitches.”

“Don’t say the S word. I don’t like needles.”

“I know,” I say with a smile. I’m sure it’s the blood loss, but she’s starting to calm down and that makes me feel hopeful. I lean forward then and kiss her forehead. “And I know it’s going to take a while for you to forgive me, to trust me. But we have time, Anastasia. We have all the time in the world if we choose and that’s why it’s okay. We don’t have to have everything figured out tonight.”

Anastasia looks at me then. It seems her anger has dissipated. “If you meant it when you said I love you, then that love is still in there.” I press my finger to her chest. “That love is still worth fighting for. So tell me, Anastasia, are you willing to fight for us? Because I am.”

Anastasia is quiet for longer than I’d like given the blood now soaked through the paper towels wrapped around her palm. Finally, she says, “I am. I just have one more question. Well, one more question for tonight because I may think of more tomorrow.”

“Ask me anything.”

She nods and lowers her head. Then she asks, “When your feelings for me started to change, why did you continue to lie to me?”

“Because I could see how much you wanted this fresh start. I could see how happy you were getting your shop ready and all that you had to look forward to. I didn’t want to tarnish that happiness or take it away from you. Your brother and I may have been wrong in keeping this secret from you, but Aidan started this whole thing because he loves you and he wanted to give you the space you craved while also keeping you safe. The more I got to know you, the more I started to care for you, the more I wanted to give you that too. Now, let’s get this hand taken care of and you a fresh shower. We can talk more tomorrow.”

33

Damon tells me to sit tight as he heads toward the bathroom to grab some first aid supplies. In the few minutes that he’s gone, my adrenaline wanes, and everything that’s happened tonight and all the emotions that accompanied it leave me drained and in desperate need of sleep. My head aches as images of the night filter through my overworked mind.

From feeling heartbroken because Damon wouldn’t fight for me, to almost going on a date with another man, to Damon’s confession of love and having the most amazing first date with him, to having even more amazing sex, and finally being able to admit that I love him, tonight was an emotional whirlwind—a reckoning of so many feelings that have been building over the past few months. Though, my body feels like it’s been hit by a brick as I recover from the equally as dramatic emotional whiplash that followed. My greatest happiness was almost destroyed by the secret Damon kept from me. Perhaps even more so by the thoughts and fears it led me to have.

The moment my trust in Damon was shaken, I thought the worst. I don’t know why my brain went to the places it did. Maybe part of me took the pain of Aidan’s betrayal out on him as well. Although it doesn’t surprise me, it still hurts. Regardless, I know I feel everything strongly—both love and attachment and betrayal. I always have. But Damon is right. He wouldn’t be here right now if he didn’t want to be. He wouldn’t be here if he was using me. That logic allows my anxiety to settle. And the pure desperation in Damon’s eyes as he begged me to fight for us and the gentleness of his touch makes me believe he’s telling the truth about everything else. He does love me, and despite what happened tonight, I love him. So much so, I can’t just walk away. One, because I want to see where things can go between us. And two, because I’m not ready to give in to the tragic French ending and I pray I never have to.

I take a deep breath then, resolved to give Damon another chance. Besides, it’s not like I’m completely innocent either. I kept secrets from him too, which he never threw in my face even though he could have. Perhaps, most of all, I’m inclined to believe Damon because of what he told me about his parents.

I feel bad we didn’t have more time to talk about his mom and dad and even what impact his father’s abusive tendencies had on him. The little we did discuss makes me understand why he’s been so resistant to a real relationship and real intimacy for so long. It also makes me realize how much he had to overcome in order to admit and act on his feelings for me. I don’t take his confession of love lightly, and I know he wouldn’t lie about it given his past. The one thing he did lie about…well, getting a glimpse of the dark and twisted world he and my brother belong to, I guess I understand.

Damon killed two people tonight, and my brother… My brother tortured, killed, and mutilated a man, and something tells me it wasn’t the first time. I’ve always known that the world my family is involved in is dangerous. I just could never imagine how dangerous it truly is. Even though I’ll never admit it to him, what happened tonight makes me realize why my brother has always been so protective and why he hired Damon. But it’s also made me realize something else.

Seeing what my brother is capable of, accompanied with knowing that Damon killed those men as a precaution rather than due to an imminent threat makes me realize the lengths people in this world will go to to prove a point and protect the ones they love. That should be comforting, but somehow I’m left with a sick feeling instead. If men like my brother and Damon are willing to go to such lengths, what lengths would truly cruel-hearted men go to for their own causes? For revenge? This realization sets my brain off on another spiral.

What if the men who broke into the parlor hadn’t been Aidan’s men? What if Damon hadn’t been able to get to his gun in time or what if he’d been even more heavily outnumbered? What if he didn’t stop them and they got to me? I’ve never been afraid before because my eyes and mind have always been sheltered from the darkness surrounding me. Now that they’ve been opened, I’m not sure how to escape these new fears and anxieties.

Just as I feel myself starting to lose it, Damon returns, carrying a handful of supplies I didn’t even know I had. I take a deep breath and try to release my thoughts about looming danger only for my attention to shift to my throbbing, stinging palm. Ugh, I guess I’ll take the one over the other.

“Alright, let’s take a quick look.” Damon is calm as he removes the blood-soaked paper towels. But I feel anything but calm when I see the inch-long gash split diagonally across my palm. It still oozes blood.

“Fuck,” I curse and force myself to look away. Damon laughs.

“I take it I can’t count on you to dig bullets out of me when I come home from a mission?” His words draw my sharp gaze back to him.

“No, you can’t. And after what happened tonight at the parlor, I don’t like the sound of you going on missions. What missions? And what about me? You’re not going to leave me alone, are you? I think we need to talk about?—”

“Relax, baby bird,” Damon says, placing a soothing hand on my thigh. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re my one and only mission. The only way that’ll change is for a special, unforeseeable circumstance. And if I’m ever pulled away from you that doesn’t mean I will leave you unattended. You will always be protected. I promise you.” At that, he lifts his hand to my cheek and wipes away a tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen.

I pinch my eyes closed and blink the rest of them away. With my aching head and throbbing palm, crying is the last thing I want to do. Though it’s obvious I’ve failed at ridding myself of my fears about the danger surrounding me, which is also linked to my concern for Damon’s safety. The only way someone gets to me is if Damon is severely injured or already dead. Perhaps my tearful reaction is just as much about Damon as it is me. I open my eyes then and look to him for reassurance. “And if that special, unforeseeable circumstance arises, you’ll discuss it with me first, right?”

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