Page 57 of Goodbye Note

Varian put a hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh.

I rolled my eyes. “Typical.”

“I think I’m in love!” Koa announced when no one acknowledged his arrival.

“You’re always in love,” Serafin muttered. “Drink some water and you’ll realize you’re not.”

“This time might be real!”

“Go to bed,” Kiernan said exasperation in his tone.

“Fuck that. Ser has The Matrix on.” He loudly threw himself on the couch in the front lounge.

“I’ll be in the back lounge,” Kiernan said, which was his normal. He was always working.

“I’ll go with you,” Hael said.

“Hear that!” Varian leaned in to say, his warm breath fanning over my skin.

I shivered, having the sudden urge to grab him and keep him there.

Was it weird for two dudes to cuddle?

I didn’t have the brain power to think about it, so I grabbed my earbuds, offering one to him. He took it out of my hands and looked at the song on my screen.

He grinned massively when he saw it was his record. “No wonder you know our music so well,” he whispered.

I shrugged. “It’s a good album. Want something else?”

“This is good.” He popped the bud in and closed his eyes, settling back into his spot.

“Why’d you ask if I thought I’d be able to tell if they were gay?” I said after a few minutes. My anxiety brain came awake when I was trying to sleep and hadn’t muted it enough with alcohol.

“I don’t think it’s easy to tell always. Gay guys are just normal dudes. So I was curious how you’d know.”

“I meant like they’d never said anything or made a comment. Not that I think you could look at someone and know they were gay. I know they are normal dudes.”

“Can you tell I’m bi?” he asked pointedly, and it felt like he’d dropped a bomb.

SEVENTEEN

VARIAN

“No, I had no idea.” The shock was evident in his tone.

“Do you want me to go?” I asked, hardening myself to his possible answer.

“No, I don’t give a fuck. Hael could be, and I’ve spent years in close quarters with him. We share a bus. Why would it bother me?”

“It’s different sharing a bed,” I said, feeling a little better but not fully.

“I don’t think every gay guy wants to fuck me. My ego is not that big. That’s like saying I’d be attracted to every girl I came into contact with.” Arik’s expression twisted into absurdity and rejection of the premise. “That’s also like saying all gay people are rapists. Even if someone is attracted to you, if you trust them enough to have them sleep next to you, you should know they aren’t going to do anything you don’t want. It’s absurd on every level.”

“I agree. Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, brows pulling in like he really didn’t know.

“For not being a toxic douchebag, I guess.” I laughed. “It really isn’t something we should have to thank people for, but here we are.”

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