Page 6 of Goodbye Note

“Fuck.” He cringed. “She did that to you tonight?”

“Yep.” I reached for the bottle, not wanting to focus on it. “You’re up.”

He took a long drink before passing it to me. “My grandparents don’t want me in this business at all. They think it ruined my mom.”

“Shit. That got deep fast.”

“I couldn’t go light after what you said! Fuck. Imagine following up you sharing a part of your soul with: my favorite color is orange.”He ran his hand through his hair, looking like a young Kurt Cobain in this light.

“Okay, I guess you’ve got me there.” I grabbed the bottle and took a swig before asking what I wanted to know. “Is that who you lived with after…” I felt bad as soon as the words were out of my mouth. What kind of asshole asks about a guy’s dead parent?

“Before. It was after my—accident. I went to live with them full time and they tried to have me do anything else, but I guess with two musicians as parents I don’t know anything else.” Varian lifted his shoulders.

“How’d you get into the business with them trying to prevent it?”

He gestured at me to drink for my question. “My brother and I were little shits and started playing on street corners in Brooklyn. Since we have the St. James last name, people took notice fast. And I’d like to think we weren’t half bad.”

I made a show of taking a drink. “My parents are similar. They want me to be a lawyer. I think they love and hate that I got a record deal. They still want me to apply to law school for when this doesn’t work out.”

“They said that?”

I put a finger under the bottle and pushed it to his lips. “Not in so many words.”

He took the hint as astonishment hardened his face. “Is this not success to them?”

“Hardly. I don’t know how to tell them I have to take a semester off to do Warped.” We turned down a random street, and the water came into view. No wonder it was so cold. The wind off Lake Michigan cut to the bone. “They are going to lose their shit.”

“They’ll get over it. Or at least my grandparents did.” He stared out across the dark water. “Sorry for bringing down the mood even further.” He made a face while side-eyeing me.

“I don’t take apologies. Only amends!” I threw his words back at him playfully.

The inquisitive brow returned. “What do you want?”

I could have asked anything, but I didn’t want to come off as the nosy asshole, and I thought I saw some vulnerability flicker through his face, so I went in a different direction. “What made you go so deep?”

He didn’t answer right away. “You don’t get to know anyone with surface-level crap. I’d rather know real stuff. Skip the small talk. I don’t trust a lot of people, but I’m tired of the shallow relationships this industry is full of.”

“I’m so new to it. I guess I haven’t seen that part of it yet.” I took a seat on the seawall.

“You do; you just haven’t put it together yet. Your girlfriend is Nicole?” He took a seat next to me and set the bottle between his knees.

I was glad he didn’t pass it back because I was on my way to not being able to walk back to the club. “How’d you—you’ve seen the pictures?”

“Everyone is talking about it.” His mouth pulled into a line like he felt bad.

“I guess you’re right.” I tried not to let it sink in just how far her betrayal reached. “Is your favorite color really orange?”

“It is. Got a problem with that?”

“No, but I do want to know why.” I reached between his knees to take the bottle. Maybe not being able to walk wouldn’t be the worst way for this night to end.

“That’s a question, not a fact.” He snagged the bottle back.

“Let’s switch to asking questions.”

“Bet.” He poured Jack into his mouth. “The road changes you. Everyone talks about sunsets, but no one is awake for the sunrise unless you’re on tour. Because sunset happens when you’re in the venue already, we don’t see them, but we do see sunrises. I love the first morning light. It reminds me I’m alive. Of the beauty in the world. It reminds me to stop and take a breath. That after all the shit I’ve been through, it’s still worth being here…” He trailed off.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

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