Page 46 of Goodbye Note

Arik laid his head on my stomach. “I need a pillow.”

“And I’m the best choice?” I asked, pushing my fingers into his hair instinctively.

He tilted his head to glance up at me, giving off a faint hint of cinnamon. “Hael is still playing, Ser is too bony, and Koa would kick my ass.”

“I guess I’m your new pillow.”

“You’re going to regret admitting that.”

“Am I?” I asked playfully.

He smirked and settled back in. We stayed that way until our bus call time.

“What was with him laying on you all night?” Val said before we got into our bunks.

“He flirts with me.” I shrugged.

“He flirts with everyone. I don’t want you to read into it.”

Vallen wasn’t wrong. But like two celestial bodies, I was trapped in his orbit.

FOURTEEN

ARIK

Our bands started hanging out in all our free time, which gave me an excuse to see Varian more.

I dreaded the hours of driving when we’d be apart. My days and nights flipped. I’d stay up all night with Varian, then sleep a few hours while we moved to a new city.

Being on tour became another reality. It wasn’t like real life, more akin to a fever dream. People on the outside couldn’t understand the hours we kept, or how disconnecting from reality being in a different city every night became.

The only people who existed were those sharing the experience. We became a family. Living like a camp of outcasts. We bonded over being the black sheep. The derelicts of our families. All of us too fucked to fit into what society wanted from us. For the first time in my life, I felt normal. Like my mania wasn’t that big of a deal. Not a person on this tour wasn’t damaged. We’re artists, after all.

I thrived until…my high began to falter, and I felt myself crashing.

I’d never been good at getting myself out of a hole. How the fuck was I going to do it on tour? I just wanted someone to hold me, but the only person I’d ever trusted to be that had betrayed it. How did I learn to let someone else in?

knocked out of orbit and Left spinning out in space.

hit after hit of chemicals right to the brain.

I’m getting too high on the dopamine.

what’s the line between friendship and infatuation?

a Kaleidoscope of things i’ve never felt.

i don’t want this summer to End.

We got to the stop, and I went to grab something to eat and kill some time, but when I returned to our bus the door banged open in the wind.

“These fucking guys were born in a barn.” I climbed the first step and froze when I saw Varian hog-tied and gagged on the floor. “What the fuck?”

He groaned over the gag and squirmed.

I fumble my phone, dialing 911. “I’m calling the cops.”

He shook his head, screaming something that sounded like, “No,” through the fabric.

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