Page 21 of Goodbye Note

“I’m good. I got to save my cash for the gas home.” I probably could have made it work, but spending time with just Varian sounded better than being out.

“Right, perfect. We have a bottle of UV.”

“It’s like you knew I was coming.” I toed my shoes off as he closed the door behind us.

“No, I think it’s left over from the 90s,” Varian deadpanned.

I held up my middle finger before looking around. “This is a nice place.”

“It’s good if it’s not too cold. It’s not insulated for shit, like I said.”

“At least you have your own space. Isn’t it crazy expensive to live in New York?”

“My grandparents bought here in the eighties. So they got it for a steal. The surrounding neighborhoods weren’t always the greatest, but we have a good group of people who look out for each other on this block.” Varian smiled when he saw my shoes. “So you were raised right, too.”

“Who fucking wears shoes in the house?”

“I know, right?” He went to the fridge. “UV and sprite?”

“You have it?” I followed him deeper into the space. It wasn’t big, but they used the open space well. Their beds were set up in the back, with draped fabric and beads as a makeshift divider. Kitchen in the middle, and a killer record collection taking most of the focus of the living space. I stopped to flip through. “This is badass.”

“I read somewhere you liked it.” He acted like it was nothing, but I warmed inside. “Our dad’s. One of the few parts of him I have.”

“Can I?” I slid out a Nirvana record.

“Please do.”

I got it going before joining him. “Your brother upset I’m here?”

Varian lifted his gaze sharply. “No, he’s just like that. He doesn’t like to intrude. So he’s probably just giving us space.” There was a bit of hesitation to what he said.

“As long as it’s not a problem I stay. I can go sleep in my car…I’m already paying hotel prices to park it.”

“Fuck, no. We’d never dream of it. We know how nice it is to have a place to crash after sleeping on people’s floors touring for years.”

“No shit.” I held up my glass.

He did the same. “I’m really glad you came. I was a little worried I’d scared you away.”

“Because…”

He tore his gaze away and lifted a shoulder. “I overshared.”

“Nah, I liked it. It felt like being real with someone for the first time. No mask. No bullshit. Not many people do that. It made me feel like—” I stopped myself, knowing I probably sounded dumb.

“Finish.” Varian’s eyes held so much, I couldn’t say no.

“It made me feel like I could be myself, too.”

He smiled again. “Let’s sit.”

We ended up sprawled out on the oversized sofa with the lights off, the room only illuminated by the streetlights leaking through the cracks in the curtains and a ceiling of glow stars, listening to records, taking turns picking them.

“You have my record.” I slid it out to look at the cover.

“I bought it after talking to you that night,” he said not making eye contact. Was he embarrassed? “It’s a really good record.”

It made me both curious and scared of the things in his head. I wanted to know him more.“You honestly like it?”

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