Page 193 of Goodbye Note

“You know why.” I flexed my jaw.

“Why didn’t you tell me not to?” he asked on an empty breath.

“I told you.”

“Did you mean what you said in the song?”

“Every word.” I shouldn’t be telling him the fucking truth.

“I wish you would have.” Defeat bled into his voice, and it hurt. He was fucking married. What right did he have to say that to me?

“You made me love you and only you, and then you went and got Lindsay pregnant. You had a fucking kid. I couldn’t stop you. You didn’t belong to me anymore.”

“I’ve always been yours.”

“Don’t feed me those lines.”

“They are true,” he whispered.

“Did you do all the things we did on our bus with her too? All the fucking moments? Was it just because I was there?”

“It was never like that, Arik.”

“I don’t believe you.” I slammed my head back into the metal.

“Arik, I don’t even fucking remember getting her pregnant.”

“Excuse me?”

FIFTY-FOUR

VARIAN

“Almost seven years ago, Lindsay showed up at the studio, visibly pregnant. She said she was like five months along, which lined up with the last week or two of our tour. She said it was mine.”

“So the kid isn’t yours?” Arik asked.

“She is…” I went into the story of that night.

Or at least the parts I remembered.

“I’m pregnant,” Lindsay said, smoothing her hands over her stomach.

“I mean, I wasn’t going to say it. You never comment on that,” I said with the hint of a laugh.

She glared at me. “It’s yours.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Hurt creased her face. “I’m not joking.”

“When did we have sex?” I stared at her swollen belly in disbelief.

“You don’t remember?” She crumpled, obviously hurt. But I couldn’t help but think it was a cruel joke.

“No? Tell me you’re fucking joking, Lindsay.” I tried to laugh. “Who’s the father?”

“I’m not joking.” She got really quiet.

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