Page 189 of Goodbye Note

“Koa said he sent it to you. Did you not listen to it before…”

“I did.” I barely kept my voice even.

He exhaled heavily. “Good. I didn’t want to be non consensually strangled tonight.”

Was he implying…? I forced my brain off that death trap of a thought process. Not today, Satan. No thinking about my hands around his throat.

I laughed because I had nothing else. “You’re safe. It hurts, but it’s all true. I’ve made a lot of terrible decisions that led me here.”

“It’s not that.” The frown was back. “We both made a lot of mistakes. I’ve made my pain into art. But not to hurt you.”

I wanted to believe him. “Thanks for checking on me.”

“I didn’t know you were in here.” Arik pulled a face.

“Ah. Then thanks for talking to me, I guess.”

He nodded. “I’m glad we could clear the air so we don’t have any issues. I’m sure we’ll see each other around, and I don’t want it to be weird. I didn’t want to do this but was told I had to, and I can only assume you faced the same. So I’d like to be civil.”

“They made you do this?”

“They did. Just know it’s also under duress on my side.” That did make me feel a little better. “I’m not here to cause any issues with you or your family. I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

It was the nicest but worst thing he could have said. It said he didn’t want anything to do with me, and the tour hadn’t been his idea. My heart ached.

The opposite of love wasn’t hate. It was civil.

Strangers who used to be lovers.

FIFTY-THREE

ARIK

I fell in love with him in the summer of our lives, but I never expected the winter to be so hard.

“Good morning, Arik Vesper! You have a number-one album for the second week in a row, which is smashing all your previous records. While you happen to be on tour with the band, you beat out for the number-one spot for the second week in a row. This we haven’t seen from an album in far too long. What made you decide to go on tour with Dopamine-Fiend after eighteen years?” The morning show host smiled on my screen.

“Good morning, Dexter.” I’d stayed up all night to not miss the radio interview spots and giveaways for upcoming cities. Our PR really wanted to push our album to keep it at number one for another week. “It’s been a wild release. I’m so thankful for our fans.” I forced myself to smile and laugh, knowing radio listeners could watch the interview live. “It wasn’t my idea to go on tour with Dopamine-Fiend. I have to thank my label and manager for making that happen, but we’ve been friends with them since Warped back in the day and are really excited to be back on tour with them, promoting our work together. The albums complement each other nicely, too, which is always a bonus.”

I hated having to act like we were all still friends. It’s not like they wanted Serafin for these, either. It was me who had to be the face of this bullshit.

“They do! I’ve struggled to decide which to have on repeat. I keep going back and forth.” Dexter got a glint in his eyes, and I groaned internally, hoping this wasn’t going to be about Varian. “Do you guys have any rivalry? I have to think releasing an album the same day and leaving for a massive tour has got to bring out some competitiveness.”

“Hey, now, that’s not fair. They haven’t put out an album in six years. They started from behind. But that being said, it’s always nice to win.” I smirked, giving the fans a view of my dimples. “All joking aside. We are so thankful to everyone who’s listening, streaming, buying, posting, and everything else. And I hope everyone listening gives Dopamine-Fiend’s album a listen, too.” I meant all of it. I wanted Varian to kill it, just nowhere near me.

“It’s so nice to see artists supporting each other.”

“A rising tide lifts all ships. I’d rather pull up music I like than be a dick.” I smiled tightly.

Kiernan gave me the one-minute signal from where he was sitting in the front lounge near me.

We had these things scheduled every twenty minutes from six a.m. until ten. An album cycle was grueling.

“Thanks for talking to us, Arik. Now we have two VIP passes to give away!”

We disconnected, and I let my mask fall for the three minutes until we had to connect to the next. “Have I told you how much I hate you today?”

“No, shockingly, you made it two hours in my company today without saying it. I’m going to call that improvement.” Kiernan grinned. “Two minutes.”

---