Page 150 of Goodbye Note

Arik: I know he’s cool, and it’s not his fault. But it fucking blows.

And i miss it

sun shine

the high of another person

Love notes

messages Left on MY tour bus

staying up all night to watch movies

but life doesn’t slow down for my highs or Lows

life goes On even when we don’t want it to

Vibrant Ecstasy escaped to live the mundane.

A few days later, a set of rules was handed down from on high. No walking in together. Arrive and leave at different times. No posting about it on social media. We had to be in a different city than we had performed in. No more liking each other’s social media posts or commenting on them.

“Varian has been commenting on my posts since I started the journal. You don’t think this is going to backfire?This is wild, you know that, right?” I said after Kiernan briefed me. “No one should have to live like this.”

“I don’t know why you are bothering with rules. Why not just move Arik around in a trunk?” Serafin deadpanned.

“It would probably be fucking easier than abiding by this shit.”

“It’s worked for a certain girl who didn’t want to be seen for a year because of her reputation. I’m just saying.”

I laughed, and I needed it. “Are you gonna carry it? We don’t have that kind of money to hire some big, sexy guys.”

“Listen, Kiernan, Hael, and Koa could. I can’t risk breaking a finger.” Ser shook with laughter.

“Fuck you. I’m too old for that. I’ll throw my back out.” Kiernan shook his head.

“Should Hael call you Granddaddy from now on instead of Daddy?”

Kiernan held up a middle finger. “Don’t put that on me! I’m thirty-nine.”

“I mean, if the shoe fits…” I side-eyed Ser, flopping down to sit next to him.

The end of this leg came and went. Our time didn’t happen. I knew it wouldn’t. I felt it building like the creep of sleep paralysis. One minute you’re awake and the next you’re asleep, but not fully. Frozen in time to watch the horrors slip in.

Seeing him became harder, not because of the rules but because the entire deck was stacked against us.

It’s hard to keep it together when everything is keeping you apart

the things that keep Me up at night:

is this the way it ends?

if i called, would you answer?

will this pain in my chest ever get any better?

if you knew how much this is killing me?

how i’ve memorized the times for every red-eye.

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