Page 120 of Goodbye Note

He hummed a groan, vibrating pleasure through my cock on a spiritual level. I wrapped my legs around his back, like I could somehow fight the hold he had on my hips and drive further into him. He smiled, pulling his lips tight around my thickness while looking up at me. It drove me fucking crazy.

He was rough and eager. He wanted it. This wasn’t a chore to finish me, and the idea worked itself into my brain. I loved it.

Finally, he took me in fully, nose pressed into my groin, and he stayed there for a full second before pulling back to let me fall from his lips.

“Jesus, Varian.”

“I like when you say my name.” He swirled his tongue around my head.

“I love your mouth, Varian.”

He grinned. “Now that I’ve had my fun, I’ll let you fuck my mouth.”

I short-circuited. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Are you serious? Doesn’t that stuff only happen in porn?”

“You sweet summer child. There are lots of people who like giving head and like getting their throat fucked.” He proved his point by taking me all the way in again while releasing his hold on my hips.

I almost couldn’t help it. I ground my hips into his chin, making him take every last inch, and he delighted in the task, swallowing me down.

I lost it. Gone on Varian. The snap of pleasure forced my hips deeper, and I drove into him over and over as I came.

I collapsed into a sweaty mess, and Varian crawled up to lay alongside me, but that wouldn’t do. I turned into him, pressing my face into his chest.

There was an art in the way we came together. In the small touches. The slow drag of fingertips and the lingering connection. I’d never experienced anything like this with a woman. There was no comparison and that scared me.

These were the core memories I wanted. I wanted a lifetime of giving each other little moments of happy between the heartache. Wasn’t that the point after all?

It felt like too much to ask.

THIRTY-SIX

ARIK

I felt it coming on. There is nothing quite like watching your sanity start to slip but you’re already strapped into the ride and can’t get off.

Or maybe I just finally acknowledged it, but on the third night of no sleep, I had to admit to myself I was on a manic high. I’d been on and off meds for years and hated them all. I’d tossed the newest bottle down the trash shoot when I moved out of my apartment because I knew there was no way I’d make it through this tour as a zombie.

I didn’t want to fall into the cliche rock star pill cycle, either. If I took something to sleep, I’d need a pill to wake me up, and that was a dark hole I wanted no part of. Mental illness was such a bitch.But I buried it down deep, to ignore it as long as possible so I could enjoy every minute of time with Varian.

We’d spent two nights holed up in the back lounge, but Kiernan and Hael beat us out on the third, so Varian and I were back in my bunk, which made fucking around a lot harder.

“There is no room in here for anything,” Varian said in the rush of an exhale with our clothes halfway off.

“At least it’s a condo bunk. Can you imagine trying to do this in a smaller one?” I rolled us to our sides, trying to shove his pants off.

“We need to go to bed with less clothes on.” He took us both in hand, stroking languidly.

Pleasure filled my throat, contorting the words I was trying to say. “Like that wouldn’t make it more obvious.”

“You can’t be that loud.” He put a hand over my mouth. “There is only a curtain between us.”

“You can’t stroke us together like that and expect me to be quiet.” I attached my lips to his throat. “You’re going to be the end of me.”

“A good end, I hope.”

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