Page 140 of Goodbye Note

“What a fucking awful day to have eyes.”

Ser lost it, putting his head in one hand and shaking with laughter. “You’ve spent way too much time on Reddit.”

“What the fuck else should I do for twelve to twenty hours on a bus without my boyfriend to fuck?” I picked up a piece of bacon.

“Play video games with the rest of us. We miss you.”

“We were more social the last month and a half. But it still doesn’t make up for all the hours everyone else was asleep, and I was alone.”

“He still slept. What did you do then?”

“Fondled him in his sleep, obviously!” I barely contained a laugh.

“I honestly can’t tell if you’re being serious or joking, and since it doesn’t seem odd to me, now I know I spend too much time on the internet.” Serafin shuddered and took a bite of his gross toast.

“You could dopamine detox. Go off your phone for like a few days or a week.”

“I’m the one who needs the dopamine detox?” He gave me a flat look.

I hadn’t even realized what I’d said until he said it back to me. I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I clearly need more sleep. And no detox. I need more dopamine.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I never do, and these new pills seem to make it worse…” I trailed off as our waitress came to refill our drinks. She looked like a mean grandma, so I didn’t really think she’d snitch on our convo, but I couldn’t risk it with how everyone was acting over Varian and me.

“Can you get different ones?”

“I’m going to try. I meet with the doc tomorrow. Something has to fucking give. I don’t know how many more meet and greets I can do pretending to be a fucking person when I feel like I should be planted in a pot on the wall.”

“What does that even mean—no, never mind. I’m not sure I want to know. Again, this would be a great day to have my hearing aid off.”

I flipped him off.

missed calls and missed connections.

i wish my propensity to play the long shot paid off but today it’s squandered

why am i always Hearing the dial tOne?

your Mailbox is full and a thousand unanswered messages could never have led mE to believe i’d be another wasted quarter

Varian: You okay?

Arik: Peachy

Varian: Why don’t I believe you?

Arik: I’m good, just tired. I switched meds again.

Varian: You were only on the others a couple of weeks. Is that a good idea?

Varian: I thought they didn’t even start working for a while?

Arik: I felt awful. Worse than before. I couldn’t keep taking them. So it was switch or just stop, and since no one liked me off meds all summer we’re trying a different one.

Varian: Does that mean your doctor is listening to you?

Arik: He seems to be.

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