Page 139 of Goodbye Note

Nights I never wanted to end.

Fall comes with trade winds.

Pulling us to opposite ways.

I fear the freeze.

The cold with no end.

Numb is worse than dead.

What I’d give to feel again.

FORTY-ONE

ARIK

high, low, this is just how it goes

it’s not my Choice to be this inconsistent in your life

they tell me it’s the Only way to survive this

nothing working

i’m scared of forgetting who i aM all over again

play russian roulette with pills

another spin to see if this will fix my brain

what a hopelEss journey

Another city, another hotel room. I loved traveling, but I didn’t love getting used to new meds. I kept telling myself they’d make me feel better in the end. Something about the light at the end of a tunnel. We had more time and less time. It was so different from Warped but the same in a lot of ways.

Ser and I sat at a diner at six in the morning. We got into town early and decided to grab a bite before we had to be on the radio to give away VIP passes.

“How are things with…” He trailed off, looking around.

“You’re fine. The only other people in this joint are too old to know how to turn on a computer.”

He laughed. “Fair, and frankly, even if they know how to get online, they probably can’t hear us.”

“Woah, don’t make fun of them. We are on our way to hearing aids as musicians.”

“Shit, by the time I need hearing aids, I will be blissfully not wearing them so I don’t have to listen to anyone.” Ser spread grape jam on his toast.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“What?”

I smacked the jelly out of his hands. “Who the fuck eats grape jelly willingly? That’s the crap you only eat when there is no strawberry!”

“Wrong. It’s better than strawberry. I’ve always liked grape.” He took a second grape from the little dish.

“How the fuck have we been friends this long and I didn’t know about your trash opinions about food? This is going to be what breaks up the band.”

“You not being able to handle my food choices that don’t involve you? My body, my choice, Arik. I’ll put whatever trash I want into this temple.” Ser went back to his happy spreading.

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