Page 26 of Burned By Fire

“Sure. It’s a long drive. The sooner we’re on the road, the better.”

I want to kiss him and ask him about us, but I’m scared. I’m not sure where he sees us. Are we friends or almost a couple? We seem to be having these magical moments together, but in the light of day, the spell is broken, and I don’t know where I stand or if what we shared was real. He said he wanted me to express my feelings, but once I do, there’s no going back.

Sol puts our luggage in the car while I check out of the hotel. I put my sunglasses on for the drive before turning on the radio. Sweet Home Alabama blares through the speakers, and I turn it up. I block out all negative emotions and sing along as loud as I can. When I glance at Sol, he’s doing the same thing, and I smile. If nothing else, we’re good friends.

* * *

Four hours and a lot of summer road songs later, we finally arrive at Sol’s house.

“Thanks for coming with me,” I say. I make no effort to get out of the car while he grabs his things.

“You’re welcome. Aren’t you coming inside?” He points towards his home.

“Erm… I wasn’t sure you’d want me to.”

His eyebrows knit together. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

“No. I was just going to go back to my apartment and eat ice cream while lying in front of the TV.”

“Don’t you want to do that here with me?” He frowns.

It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with him, it’s that I want to be with him way too much. The excuses fall dead on my tongue, so I switch off the engine and climb out of the car. I follow him inside, straight away smelling the fresh scent of cotton.

“This place is looking so much better than the last time I saw it.” I look around, taking in the clean space.

“Yes, it is. Would you like a drink? Coffee? Tea?” He hooks his suit on the stair handrail. “Beer?” I finally meet his eyes as my brows shoot up. “Joke.” He laughs. He isn’t serious about the alcohol, but it’s obvious he wants my attention. “I’m just checking you’re still with me.”

“I’m impressed with how nice this place is now it’s scrubbed up.”

“Good enough for you to move in with me?”

My breath hitches. That was not what I was expecting him to say. We’ve only slept together twice. If I lived here, it would only complicate our relationship. Before we had sex, I would’ve said yes immediately. Now I’m not ready for us to start playing house or be friends that occasionally sleep in the same bed, and I’m not sure he is either.

I brush my hand over my forehead. “Sol, what are we doing?” I give him my full attention as I turn to face him.

“I thought we were going to watch a movie and have coffee.” He smiles with a warmth I’m usually happy to see, but he’s trying to avoid what we really need to talk about. He can’t ask me to move in with him as if our relationship hasn’t changed.

“I mean, we’ve had sex twice, but both times we’ve acted like nothing’s happened afterward.”

“How would you like me to behave?” he asks.

I throw my arms down in frustration. “I never thought you’d see me as more than a young starry-eyed candidate, but you changed that when you let me get close to you in the elevator.”

“I value our friendship and don’t want to lose you.” He studies my reaction.

He’s been through a lot since the fire that ended his career, and he’s beginning to finally look to the future. Our connection means a lot to me, and I don’t want to ruin it. He might not be ready for something more, even if he’s considering crossing a line with me. I should give him a chance to get back on his feet without demanding too much from him and see what develops naturally between us.

“Okay.” I nod, although it hurts to think he’s rejecting me. When he first slept with me, I would’ve taken any scrap of his attention, but now I want more.

“I want a long-term relationship. Something that could potentially lead to marriage one day.” I start to choke, and he races over to pat me on the back. “Are you okay?”

I cough a few more times. “Yes, thank you. You surprised me. You want what, exactly?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m not getting any younger, and before the accident, I was thinking of trying to find someone to share my life with. I’d like a family and I don’t have time to date someone who doesn’t want the same things. You have your career and you’re still young. I have to be real with you. I don’t want a girlfriend for the next couple of years to then find out they’re not ready for kids. I want to date someone who’s ready to settle down.”

“Don’t you think I’m ready for a long-term relationship?” I say the words slowly, although it’s a lot to take in. Working at the Prescott firehouse would be impossible if Sol wanted to live here, and I’d be on light duties if I was pregnant. The drive would be too much, and I wouldn’t benefit from being at a big firehouse. My stomach leaps into my throat at the thought of what he’s proposing. I’m not ready for this conversation, and it must be obvious on my face because he comes to comfort me.

“Shh. It’s okay. I can see myself with you long-term, but it’s a lot to think about, so don’t give me an answer now. Shall we watch a movie?”

“Okay,” I say.

I spend most of the night hyper-aware of him and can’t concentrate on anything else. Sol wants a family, and I thought I wanted Sol, but now he’s confessed his long-term plans, I’m confused. I’m only twenty-one and I’ve focused so much on my career. I hadn’t considered having children. My job and a family wouldn’t work well together. I thought Sol meant everything to me. I hadn’t considered what we’d want from each other if we were a couple.

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