Page 1 of Burned By Fire

1

SOL

Monday, May 2nd

Never in my thirty-two years of life did I expect to be staring at a therapist’s door. Jackie Burton is supposed to be the best in the business but I’d rather turn to a bottle of Jack. If I wasn’t about to lose myself and my friends, I wouldn’t be here. My brother and my bank balance convinced me to come to this appointment, which he booked for me. I’m not completely penniless, but it isn’t the same as having a full-time fireman’s salary. It was my job to protect the community, even when I wasn’t on shift. I did it well. Until that day. The chief pulled some strings to get me a good pension, but money isn’t enough to give me a purpose.

I’ve been looking at the shiny name plaque for longer than I’d like to admit, and my hour is already ticking away. Do I really have to go through with this? I’m about to turn and leave when the door opens.

“Mr. Solomon Fox. You’re late. Come inside,” Jackie says. She has the kind of posture only a school principal should be able to carry off. Her brown hair is in a tight bun, and she looks to be in her early fifties.

“You can call me Sol, but I was just leaving,” I say, pointing towards the exit. People in suits make me nervous.

“Okay. I won’t stand in your way, but I’ll still be sending you my bill for the hour. Why not come inside and have a drink?” She keeps her tone light and inviting.

“Do you have bourbon?” My mouth suddenly feels dry as my daily craving kicks in.

“Take a seat and I’ll have a look.” She gestures for me to enter the room.

I hesitate for a few seconds, but I might as well use up the session I’m paying for.

“Fine,” I say in a clipped tone. I don’t want her to think I’m easily persuaded. I walk into the white painted room which contains a jungle of plants scattered around it. Already I’m wishing I’d chosen differently.

“Take a seat and make yourself at home,” Jackie says, walking over to the sideboard as I slump down onto the couch.

My muscular physique is too big for the dainty piece of furniture. I hear clinking sounds, then she hands me a tall glass of clear liquid. “What’s this?” I ask, bringing it up to my nose so I can smell it.

“Water.”

“What happened to searching for the bourbon?” I frown, lowering the glass.

She takes a seat in her chair behind her desk. “I looked, and there isn’t any.” Her voice is sickly sweet, and it’s obvious I’ve been played.

I stand abruptly, and she picks up her notepad, poised to write something down.

I tug on the collar of my t-shirt. “What are you doing with that?” I ask. The room suddenly feels a lot smaller, and the stuffy air is closing in on me.

“My job is to help people find their way back to their happy place. I’m merely observing you. Now, start by telling me why you’re here.” She makes a mark with her pen, and I try to see what it is, but she covers it with her hand.

I’m not going to spill my guts out so she can fill her page with ink and, somehow, I’ll feel better for it. I’m not wired that way, but I have to give her something.

“I’m here because my friends think I have a drinking problem, and now I’m not a firefighter, I’ve lost my identity.” I tried for bitter, but that was a little too honest. Jackie must be good because she’s rubbing me up the wrong way and getting her answers. She resists writing anything down, but I see the movement in her wrist.

She smiles, but it’s false. “What else do you like doing in your free time?”

“Apart from drinking and trying to forget my life? Not much.” I sit back down with a little too much force and gulp my water.

“Do you like to work out? Do you go to the gym?”

My build is muscular. Even after months of physio and less exercise than I’d like, I probably still look like a gym fanatic.

“I did, but that was before.” I look out the window.

“Before what?” she prompts, and I grit my teeth.

“Do we really have to talk about this?” I scrub my hand over my face.

Ever since the accident, I’ve been angry at the world and myself. Metaphorically speaking, I have to consciously screw the lid back on the bottle to get it to settle down.

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