Page 190 of The Sinner's Bargain

“If she had just listened. Just ... why wouldn’t she stop?” he raised his head and met my watery gaze. “If she just listened...” He scrubbed his face with the heels of his hands. “No one ever listens. They don’t try to understand or see that I’m not a bad person. What I’m trying to do is going to help so many people. It just needs more time.”

“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice small and hoarse.

Oliver sighed heavily and shook his head. “You won’t understand either. None of the others did, no matter how long I explained.”

My heart sank. “Others?”

He closed his eyes and continued to let his head rock as if the motion was soothing. “The others. The ... brides.” He opened his eyes and rolled them as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I regret what happened to them, but they were just ... unreasonable.”

I stared into the face of someone I genuinely was beginning to care about. “Did you kill them?”

Oliver’s chin lowered to his chest. “They didn’t leave me any choice.”

I thought of Thoran telling me about their deaths. Their accidents. The curse.

“You let Thoran believe he was cursed,” I said, accusation unhampered in the words.

“I didn’t.” He frowned at me. “He believes that because of the terrible stories his father would fill his head with. What seven-year-old needs to hear that at bedtime? But Aerys had to make sure his son knew his fate. I know Abby loved him and he was very good to her and Thoran, but he was so caught up in those bullshit stories. Thoran would wake up every night crying. His bed wet. Why would you do that to a child? It’s abuse. I don’t care what anyone says. And Abby let him. They would stand together in front of those vile portraits and Aerys would go on about whispers and shadows, and things in the house waiting for his soul. I was glad when he finally did Thoran a favor by taking a long walk into the swamps.”

I swallowed sharply to moisten my throat. “But you made it real by taking all those women.”

Oliver’s annoyance slipped. “You’re right. But I never meant to hurt him. I just couldn’t tell him, Naya.”

“Then tell me. Please. Why?”

There was actual curiosity, but I needed to buy Thoran time to find me.

Oliver rose. His giant frame towered over me, covering me in his frigid shadow as I wondered if he would kill me now, too.

He moved away to the furthest wall and returned with several empty, glass jars. They were lined on the table with faint clinks.

“Elena found the door in your room ... your old room and she followed the passages here. I thought she would keep my secret. Even said she would, but the second I let her out, she ran. Why would she do that? She ... just like Abby!” The jars rattled violently under the fist he slammed into the table. He winced when I cried out. “Forgive me. Please. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“What ... what about the others?”

He unscrewed the lids to each jar and set them neatly in a row.

“Penelope caught me discarding some of my ... failed attempts into the swamps. She started screaming and saying horrible things. I had to shut her up. She was so loud. I didn’t mean to push her into the swamps, but she wouldn’t stop. Constance was my fault. I was sloppy. I opened a passageway without checking and she wouldn’t stop talking about it. I didn’t want Thoran to find my lab until I could prove everything I was doing worked.”

“You threw her into the well?”

Oliver stopped and blinked. I could see him trying to recall.

“No, that was Danika. That bitch.” His lips curled back in the first show of loathing for another person. “She recognized me. Her uncle sometimes gets me the ... parts I need and she kept threatening to tell Thoran if I didn’t give her money. I did the first few times, but she would make little comments in passing over dinner and I had enough. Thoran deserved better.”

From a cupboard along the bottom, he unearthed a white bottle and set it next to the jars.

“What about Anne?”

He paused “Anne. Oh, poor Anne. She was such a tragic and unnecessary death. She really would have been good for Thoran. She had such a good heart, except she kept trying to get him to quit. I need the connections. How am I supposed to do the work if I can’t...?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “She didn’t even try to understand. She tried to tell me I was a monster, but would a monster make sure she was safely asleep when taking her out into the woods? A monster wouldn’t do that. A monster wouldn’t care if she felt pain.”

He spoke so calmly now. Methodically while he worked. Having something to do seemed to help him focus in a way that was even more frightening.

“What are you going to do with me?” I asked. “I didn’t know about this.”

He nodded once, eyes fixed on a tiny dropper filled with the clear liquid in the bottle. He dripped three drops into one jar. Two in the other and four in the last one.

“That’s why this is so hard. You’re so innocent and you’ve done nothing wrong.” He raised gray eyes to my face with vehement earnest. “You need to believe that, Naya. You did nothing wrong.”

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