“I saw that woman, Honour. She was ready to kill me.”
“Honour is my general.” Soulara’s chin raised up. “And my friend.”
“You can’t be friends with your subordinates.” Autumn flicked her fingers through the sand. No one had ever befriended her on her tour. She’d always been the lonely outcast.
“Sure you can.” Soulara reached for Autumn’s hand and wove their fingers together. “Friends are what make the fighting worth it.”
“I’m friends with no one in my troop.” Autumn swallowed hard, realizing just how true that statement was. She had wanted to be friends with someone, maybe Marshall. They were on a good basis with each other, but that didn’t mean he thought of her as anything other than a coworker. One he didn’t even have a choice about working with, either.
“We’re friends.” Soulara’s lips curled upward, the sentiment lighting her eyes in the way that had been missing before that. Soulara was being genuine. “Even if it hurts my people. I won’t deny that we’re friends.”
Autumn melted. Tears stung her eyes, and she stared at her toes. She felt the same. As much as she knew she shouldn’t, as much as she knew they definitely shouldn’t be talking, she felt the same kind of kindred spirit connection with Soulara. And she believed that Soulara was being truthful.
“Why didn’t you tell me in the beginning then?” Autumn asked.
“Tell you what?” Soulara frowned.
“That you’re the princess.”
“Oh.” Soulara wrinkled her nose, and it was the most adorable thing Autumn had ever seen. “I just wanted to be me. Without the title, without the responsibilities, without the shadow of the crown. I’ve never been able to escape that before, even with Honour or Zendalia.”
“Zendalia?”
“My best friend.” Soulara squeezed Autumn’s hand tenderly. “But with you, I could—at least while it lasted.”
“Yeah. I guess.” Autumn mulled that over. She’d never been able to escape who she was. “I tried to do that. It’s why I joined the military.” Autumn brushed her thumb in a circle along Soulara’s palm. “To escape my family, to start new and fresh. But it didn’t really work out. I am who I am.”
“I get what you mean.” Soulara turned and faced her, her lips still bowed. It was as if she was always smiling, no matter what. Autumn’s personal ray of sunshine.
“They’re planning another mission.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She knew why she’d told Soulara. It had weighed so heavily that she’d come out here, hoping that Soulara would find her, hoping that they could work through this together to find a solution. Whatever solution might be out there. “Three days this time, which means it’s going to be a big haul.”
Soulara tensed. She canted her head to the side, staring Autumn directly. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you need to know.” Autumn lifted her face toward the sky, defiance in the move. “Because I’m tired of letting good people get hurt for the benefit of someone else. Because you need to protect your people. Because you’re my friend.” And maybe more. Hopefully more.
Autumn had to hold all of that back. She wouldn’t dare say that. As much as she might feel it, the number of times she had hoped those feelings were reciprocated and then they weren’t were innumerable. No one had ever cared for her. No one had ever been her friend. She’d managed to survive into adulthood without any kind of true relationship.
“When?” Soulara asked on a sigh, staring out at the ocean.
“In a few days. I’ll let you know exactly when we’re set to leave if I can.” Autumn should have talked to Marshall before finding Soulara. She should have gone into this conversation with more information.
“I’ll speak with Honour.” Soulara’s shoulders were so tight.
Autumn wished she could reach forward and massage the tense muscles. “I’m so sorry.”
“What for?” Soulara furrowed her brow. “You haven’t done anything.”
“This hurts you.”
“It does.” Soulara nodded her agreement. “But without that, I wouldn’t have met you.”
Warmth swept through Autumn’s chest and into each of her limbs. She’d never been wanted like that. And she had to hope against hope that Soulara wasn’t just screwing with her to get information. Though she hadn’t asked for anything. She hadn’t pried or forced Autumn to share more than she was willing.
“I’ll be in one of those vessels.”
Soulara sucked in a sharp breath. “I can’t promise anything.”
“I understand why you’d choose your people over me.”