Page 8 of Shameless Expectations

She needed to right her mind before she went into a conversation with her sister. Their relationship had enough stressors in it that they didn’t need to add Monti’s worries to it. And Fallon would understand if she was late. She always did.

Monti walked and walked and walked. By the time she reached the coffee shop where Fallon had said to meet her, she was forty minutes late. She’d definitely get a reaming for this one, but she’d needed the time to think. Even if she didn’t come up with any solutions.

There are no solutions. Only journeys.

The words echoed in her mind, but she couldn’t recall where they came from. It could be from any number of teachings, and did it honestly matter which one? She wasn’t looking for an answer. Just peace. And she’d been careful not to make peace the answer, hadn’t she?

“There you are!” Fallon’s smile faltered slightly, as if she could immediately sense Monti’s overcast mood that morning. “What’s wrong?”

Monti cringed. Yup, her sister was always sensitive to the emotions of those around her. And Monti was no exception to that rule. How was Fallon handling her boss not sleeping? Monti’s guess was not well.

“Nothing.” Monti slid into the seat across from her sister and plastered on a smile. She really shouldn’t do that, but she also didn’t want Fallon to worry any more than she already did. And if Fallon was good at one thing, it was worrying. “I was meditating at the small park along the river. Have you been there?”

“No.” Fallon squinted into her cup. “I haven’t found the time.”

“Which means you haven’t made it,” Monti challenged. She used to think the same way as Fallon. But it was really because she wasn’t making the time to do anything that was life-giving for her. Monti had stopped that as soon as she found out how detrimental it was to her.

“Fair.” Fallon raised an eyebrow, her gaze sharp. “And what have you made time for?”

“Meditation.” Monti smiled, settling into that feeling of calm she found whenever she did a practiced meditation. Well, most of the time she did one. Lately, it had become harder to find her center, harder to be encompassed by that calm. “And I’ve been exploring this city again, with new eyes.”

“What does that even mean?” Fallon rolled her eyes as she sipped her coffee.

Monti laughed lightly. “It doesn’t really matter.” She ordered a tea when a waitress came over. They settled into silence. Monti knew where the conversation was going to go, just the same way that it always did.

“When are you going to settle down?” Fallon asked.

And there it was. The question Fallon always asked and the one Monti always avoided.

“Never.” Monti pressed her palms flat against the wooden table, the unfinished surface smooth against her skin with how worn it was. “I like being a nomad.”

“I don’t like not knowing where you’re at.”

“You always know where I’m at.” Monti thanked the waitress and sipped her tea. “You always know how to get hold of me.”

“If you answer your phone.”

“I’ll always answer for you,” Monti charged back, hoping it would be enough but also knowing that it wouldn’t be.

“You don’t.”

“I’ll try to do better.” That age-old frustration burned in the top of her chest, but she really didn’t want to deal with it, not today. The check that was being deposited into her account would keep her going for another month easily. That and the connection to Athena Pruitt for one massage were things that Monti was grateful for.

“You always say that.”

“I do,” Monti agreed. She couldn’t fault Fallon. There were times when she would go silent for days and weeks at a time, just to try and find herself in the midst of everything going on in the world. There was no way she could do that with her sister nagging in her ear. So she dropped it and took a sip of her burning hot and not quite steeped tea.

Fallon sighed heavily. “I’ve missed you.”

“Same.” They could at least agree on that. It had been far too long since they’d sat together in the same room. “You could always come with me, you know. I was planning a trip to Belize in a few months.”

“I don’t know, Monti. I don’t think I can get the time off.”

“You deserve the time off. Take it.” Monti had never understood what pull Athena had on her sister. They were stuck together, and if Athena said jump, Fallon asked how high. “Come on, it could be a fun sisters-only trip.”

Fallon canted her head to the side as if she was really contemplating it. “But I’m going to want to be spoiled if we go. I don’t want to be sleeping in caves or going on long ass hikes. I want to sit at the beach with a margarita and a good book—or five.”

Chuckling, Monti grinned. “I think that could be arranged. I can go on all the hikes, you stay at the resort.”

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