Page 34 of Shameless Expectations

She meant to step off the landing and walk around Monti. She meant to leave the library and never see Monti again. Instead, she wrapped her fingers around Monti’s wrist, rough fingertips to smooth, hot skin. Athena’s heart jumped. Her shoulders loosened. She stared down at their physical connection.

Why had she done that?

She never willingly touched anyone.

Looking up into Monti’s gaze, she saw the exact same confusion she knew was swimming around in her brain. But it was swimming through a fog, and she couldn’t see it clearly. What had gotten her so upset?

Las Vegas.

“What are we doing tonight?” Monti asked gently.

Athena shook her head. She had way too many thoughts going on at once, and she couldn’t filter them out enough to even begin to answer Monti’s question.

“Do you want to sit?”

“No,” Athena answered firmly. “I want you to leave.”

Monti didn’t falter. Her face remained stoic. She held Athena’s intense stare for a few more seconds before her damp lips finally parted. “If you want me to leave, then why are you still holding me here?”

eleven

“Athena.”

Monti’s mind ran wild. Athena was touching her. Her fingers were wrapped so tightly around Monti’s wrist that Monti was pretty sure she couldn’t pry them off if she wanted to. But this wasn’t about that. It was about the fact that Athena had initiated trust.

No, touch.

Shaking her head, Monti corrected her thought. Athena had initiated touch. Their eyes locked, and that panic that Monti had sensed dissipated a little bit. Monti softened her tone, eased her own body so she’d be less threatening. This was progress. Although Athena probably would see it as anything but.

“Focus on my voice, okay? Use that to stay here in the room with me.”

Athena swallowed, the muscles in her neck straining. But she looked up, meeting Monti’s eyes. Hers were so blue, depths of oceans that contained so much. Everything was perfectly in place—her hair, her makeup, her jacket that covered almost every inch of her body.

“Can you do that?”

Athena paused, a little breath escaping her lips. “I’m here.”

“Good.” Monti smiled a bit. This was progress. “What are you thinking about?”

Athena’s face hardened, the lines pulling taut, her brow dropping. Athena slowly moved her head from side to side, telling Monti that this was pushing it too far. Monti changed her plan quickly. Athena took time to ease into these things—she had to remember that.

“Okay,” Monti sighed. “Let’s start with an apology. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here when I was supposed to be. I let you down. I failed you.”

That changed something in Athena. Monti wanted to know what it was, what had clicked in her brain to allow this slice of openness that they needed. Monti stayed completely still, not wanting to scare that part of Athena away.

“I didn’t realize how much you needed me.” The words died on her lips. She had worked so very hard to never be that integral to someone’s life. For Athena to have that tight a connection with her already was beyond what Monti had ever thought possible. It wasn’t unusual for clients to feel safe with her. That was her job, after all, but so quickly? Did Athena even realize what was happening?

“I don’t need you,” Athena answered, that hard sheen coming back across her features.

This push and pull of control between them was exactly where they needed to be. This was where true work happened and meaning was made. Monti spun through what to say next, which question to ask, where to lead the conversation. But Athena’s eyes were so bare.

“What do you need?”

Athena’s face crumbled. Her grip on Monti’s arm tightened sharply, her nails digging into Monti’s skin. But Monti ignored the pain. It was nothing compared to the actual progress that they were making. Monti allowed silence to fall between them, using it for discomfort and peace at the same time.

“I needed you here two hours ago.”

“I’m so sorry,” Monti whispered. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here for you.”

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