Page 31 of Shameless Expectations

“This isn’t healthy, Athena.”

“Nothing in my life is healthy,” she mumbled, crossing her arms again in the best protective move she could muster. “How’s Clayton? Truthfully.”

“Same as always.” Kevin sat next to her, leaning on the desk and mimicking her position. “Mad I won’t divorce you. Deeply in love with me. I don’t want to marry him. I’m happy with our arrangement.”

Athena snorted. “You’d think it’d be easier, wouldn’t you?”

Kevin shook his head. “No. I never thought marrying you would be easy.”

Laughing lightly, Athena tilted her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. Kevin uncrossed his arms and settled his palm on her thigh. He was the only one allowed to do this. He always had been. “Perhaps I thought we’d be better at it by now.”

“I think we’re pretty damn good at this.” Kevin’s voice was a deep rumble in his chest, and it brought her such comfort to hear.

“Maybe.” Athena breathed in his familiar scent, relaxing slightly. It was one of the few times she let him touch her, though if anyone was going to do it, Kevin and Simon were the only two allowed without asking first. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “When do you leave again?”

“Few days. I think I’ll go to that gala with Simon while he’s home, let you out of that responsibility.” He wrinkled his nose. “Have to make sure that the house is running properly, you know.”

Athena avoided the subject of Simon. It hurt too much to talk about him some days, and others to even think about him. Most days, Athena was certain Simon would have had a better life growing up if she hadn’t been a part of it. Tapping into the humor she knew Kevin adored, she said, “Oh yes, we need a man here to keep everything in order and explained properly.”

He laughed loudly. Good, her tone had landed, and he hadn’t noticed her shift into the depression and back out of it. Athena applauded herself for that side step. Now if she could keep it up until Kevin left her alone again.

Kevin relaxed as he added, “I was working on Simon’s birthday bash. I’m taking him to Vegas.”

Athena jerked sharply. She tried to cover it up by shifting her stance. Just the very mention of that place took her immediately back to twenty-two years ago. And she hated going there. Sucking in a slow breath, Athena pushed down all those uncomfortable emotions and focused on the here and now as best as she could.

Why did they have to go there? To the place that was the center of all her pain, to the place she had… She shut that thought off immediately. With her anger already raging, she couldn’t let herself go down that path.

“Really?” Athena wrinkled her nose. Kevin knew she hated that place. He knew what memories it held. Why would he even let this be a possibility? “Couldn’t think of anything better?”

“It’s where he wanted to go.” Kevin wrapped an arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss into her hair. “You’re welcome to join us.”

Had he gone off his rocker and completely forgotten the main reason they had gotten married?

To cover it up.

To make sure no one knew what happened.

Athena steadied herself, trying to find the best way to answer without being offended. But she was. She couldn’t believe he didn’t remember. Or worse yet, that he didn’t care.

“No, thank you. That can be a father-son excursion that I will gladly not be a part of.” Athena covertly slid from his grasp and stood up, walking toward the window. She crossed her arms and protected herself again. Because she had to. Kevin wasn’t doing it this time like he normally would. “When will you go?”

“Next week.”

She nodded to no one in particular and tried to push the memories back in the locked box where they belonged. She grasped at straws for something else to talk about. “Did Fallon talk to you about Shiloh’s Home?”

“I can’t go.”

“What?” She spun on him, anger flaring in her chest. She couldn’t do this without him. A room full of people without him there to calm her? It would be impossible. But this was something she could grasp onto. This was a place that was safe where she could put her emotions.

He put his hands up in defense. “I’ve already booked the entire week for a trip to Tahoe with Clayton.”

Athena held in her worry, but it was getting harder to do that by the second. That was something for her future self to figure out, since the event was months away still. She wasn’t going to be able to do it, especially not with the state she was in lately. And that would only add to the turmoil she was already feeling.

“Call Simon, will you? Figure out what you two will do for his birthday. It’s his twenty-first, and he needs to know you care about him.”

“Yeah.” Athena’s shoulders dropped. She wasn’t a good mother. She’d never been. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Simon, but she hadn’t been made to be a parent. Kevin was much better at it than she was, but she wasn’t even sure that he had been made for it. And with the way he was conceived…

“Athena.”

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