Page 17 of Shameless Expectations

Sucking cold air into her lungs, Athena breathed relief. When had she started holding her breath? Her brain was awash with everything lately. She just needed to get back to work. She needed to get back to normal.

“Athena.” Again, Monti’s voice in that calm, sweet tone. “Count to six.”

Furrowing her brow, Athena did as she was told. This was something tangible that she could grasp onto, something to focus on that could center this racing mind of hers. When she got to six, she started again. Athena lost count how many times she had gone from one to six, but when she opened her eyes and looked at Monti, she could tell it had been too long. There was worry etched into her sweet young face, into the lines just starting to form around her eyes and her lips.

“Now count backward.”

“This is horse—”

“Athena,” Monti said firmly, her look stern. “Count backward.”

Biting her tongue, Athena did as she was told. Though she only did it three times before a sense of calm took root in the center of her chest. She’d been missing that before. She clasped onto it and refused to let it go. The longer she focused on it, the bigger it grew. Eventually, Athena looked into Monti’s curious brown eyes and nodded.

“Thank you,” Athena murmured, making sure her voice wasn’t too loud.

“I think that might be enough for today.”

“No.” Athena gripped the arms of the chair tightly, using them as her lifeline. When the same panic didn’t swell in her chest again, she knew she’d made the right decision.

“I don’t want to push you.”

“You’re not pushing me.” Athena leaned forward in the chair and reached to her belly, undoing the three buttons on her jacket. She needed this. She needed to stop hiding and allowing everything to control her. And if one more person came into that inner circle, how awful could it be? A massage, especially clothed, was nothing. And she did trust Monti to listen to her no matter what. At least in these circumstances. She was paid to be there.

Monti watched with rapt attention as Athena shifted to pull her jacket off, the sleeves leaving her skin bare to the chill in the room. She resisted the urge to shiver as goosebumps slid up her arms. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had seen her like this other than a doctor. And if she mentally put Monti into that same category, maybe she could make it through this.

But Monti was anything but a cold, aloof, clinical doctor.

Even just being in her presence twice, Athena was certain of that.

Monti was young, lithe, full of energy and excitement. And she was damn cute.

Athena folded her jacket and rested it over the arm of the chair. Her back was ramrod straight, tight with tension, as she faced Monti and waited to see what would happen next. Where would Monti touch her? Where would the tension go when she did? Because last time…last time it had vanished into the ether.

“Why push yourself?” Monti asked.

Athena’s lower lip quivered. She hadn’t thought that Monti had understood that subtlety. But she didn’t know why. She couldn’t answer. Tears sprang to her eyes again, stinging, but she blinked and pulled them back in.

What was wrong with her?

“Something needs to change,” Athena gave the best non-answer she could come up with on the fly.

“I agree.” Monti leaned forward, elbows on her knees, but she didn’t break Athena’s gaze. “But my question was why?”

“Because…this isn’t working.”

“What’s not working?”

Why did Monti have to be so infuriating with her questions? All Athena wanted to do was sleep, and in order to do that, something had to give. If that was allowing Monti to touch her again, then that’s what it would be.

“I’m not working,” Athena whispered out loud. Though she’d thought the words at first were only bumbling around in her brain. “In this current state, I’m too exhausted to think.”

“Something else we can agree on.” Monti reached forward and held out her hand, as if expecting Athena to touch her willingly, to slide her fingers against Monti’s.

But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t force her body to move.

“Athena.”

Again that balm, that constant reminder that there were years of anguish etched into Athena’s life and Monti had been spared that trauma.

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