Page 11 of Shameless Expectations

Athena had almost missed it. She stayed standing in the entryway to her office, not sure if Fallon wanted her to come closer or not or if she could even manage to be in such close proximity to another person. But the question rolled through her mind, and Athena couldn’t stop herself from asking, “She’s not free?”

“Is anyone ever really free from their past?” Fallon’s brown eyes locked on Athena’s, the truth in her statement hard-hitting.

Athena was shackled by her past. She was so tightly confined that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt a bit of that freedom Fallon was talking about. Or joy. Or even just settled peace. But for right now, she needed to escape this conversation before it got much deeper than it was already. Turning on her toes, Athena walked into her office and closed the door behind her, leaving Fallon to deal with whatever scheduling needed to happen.

As she sat at her desk, with books and everything laid out before her, Athena couldn’t focus. Those few hours of blissful sleep had done wonders in the short term, but for the last several hours, she’d been back to the state she was in before.

Unable to get anything done.

Exhausted.

Distracted.

Which meant she really might not want to meet with Gwen so soon. Pulling out her hair clip, Athena ran her fingers along her skull and her neck, attempting to mimic what Monti had done and failing miserably. Body work was never something she understood. But Monti obviously did, because the way her fingers had worked along Athena’s muscles had been nothing less than a miracle.

Logically, Athena knew that her body was connected to everything, each part of her connected to the other, but how? How did she fix one part in order to force her body to rest and sleep? Because that was what eluded her right now. She couldn’t focus.

Standing, Athena walked to the large window. She crossed her arms and stared out at the rainy field outside. The forest was beautiful with the trees surrounding her, the greens dark this time of year because the sky kept feeding them no matter what. And the gray of the skies almost always suited her mood. She never understood sunshine, or basking in it, or allowing the rays to kiss her skin.

Sure, she’d read about that in books, she’d even attempted to experience it a few times at her beach house in the Florida Keys. But it had all been a waste and she’d given up. She’d come stumbling inside and holed herself up in her library with a good book where her mind could be teased into learning. This house was her home now, the place where she would live until she died.

What a morbid thought was that?

Athena wrinkled her nose and shifted her stance. If she were braver, she’d go on a walk outside. Throw on a jacket and some hiking shoes and disappear into the forest for hours, losing all track of time. She was willing to bet that Monti wouldn’t think twice about doing that.

The knock on the door was sharp.

Athena jumped, spun around, and put her hands in fists at her sides. Her heart raced wildly, and she couldn’t calm it down. That had been worse than normal lately. And she couldn’t make it stop.

“I was able to get ahold of Ms. Fudala, but she can’t meet with you until next week.”

“Perfect.” Athena knew the word came out sharp when she hadn’t intended it to, but it really was optimal. It would give her extra time to sort herself out before they had to talk through details of the trial.

It was the trial.

The thought settled into Athena’s very being. Ultimately, Athena knew, she should never have agreed to take it. There was a reason she’d limited herself on cases in the last five years, and this was it exactly. When she’d looked over the initial request, she couldn’t ignore the fact that Gwen Fudala had seen no justice. And she deserved to find some peace, even if Athena thought that was a crock of bullshit.

“Also, Francine with Shiloh’s Home called with dates for the next gala and to personally request you attend.” Fallon looked so nervous. Had Athena scared her that much?

“Oh?” Athena crossed her arms, her hands grabbing hold of her elbows as if she was hugging herself.

“Would you like me to respond that you’ll attend?”

“If it fits with the schedule, yes.” She loved that particular foundation. It worked with sexual assault victims, sharing their story, helping them find closure along with single parents and young women. If only that was available to everyone. “Let Kevin know. He’ll want to come with me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Fallon ducked her chin. “Would you like the usual donation?”

Athena thought a moment before responding with a shake of her head. “Double it.”

She might regret that decision later, at least her haste in making it. But on a very basic level, she knew she never would. They were doing good work, and they needed the funds to be able to continue.

“Is that everything?”

“Um…” Fallon seemed shy all of a sudden, in a way Athena rarely saw her.

She held the silence, waiting for Fallon to continue. It wasn’t like she could concentrate on work anyway right now, despite trying. Her energy waned in a way it hadn’t in decades. She needed Kevin home, but he was on a three-week trip to Indonesia with his long-time lover. What were husbands for if they were constantly gone and with someone else?

“What do you think?”

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