Page 98 of Shameless Expectations

“Come upstairs with me.” There, the words were out. Athena kissed her again, intensifying the moment. Monti cupped the back of her head, tilting her slightly as their tongues swept against each other.

“Not tonight, Athena,” Monti murmured. But Monti kissed her again and again, as if the words she was saying didn’t quite match up with what she was doing. Which left Athena very confused about what they were doing and why.

With one last kiss, Monti stepped away. “I’m going to take a shower and then hit the sack.”

Athena said nothing as she watched Monti walk away from her. She’d put so much on the line to try and make that seduction happen, to work through all the walls that she typically had in place, only to be rejected? Confused, Athena took her wine glass and went back to the den.

She sat in her favorite chair, crossed her legs, and stared out the window as the sun settled fully below the horizon. What were they doing there?

Kevin may have been right, but that didn’t mean Monti felt the same.

Disappointment hit Athena first. Then on the back end, she was overwhelmed with a sense of stupidity. She should have known better. She really shouldn’t have just switched the expectations she’d lived with onto someone else.

Finishing her glass of wine, Athena took a new book and started reading it. For now, she could at least get lost in a fictional world. She could find a way to deal with her feelings in the morning.

To avoidance it is.

Athena smirked.

thirty-one

“I can’t do this.”

Monti paced the small bedroom so many times it was impossible to count. She stared at the phone on her bed, debating whether or not to call Fallon. It was a long time since she’d been this worked up, and having that outside voice from someone who understood—

Fuck, when had she started thinking that Fallon understood?

Monti paced again. Straight to the window, then to the door. Energy coursed through her veins, making it impossible to settle. She wasn’t going to get any sleep that night. What had she been thinking? This was impossible.

Picking up her phone, she called Fallon. She needed someone else to calm her down, and she couldn’t put that weight on Athena. Not when Athena was still struggling with figuring out her life at the moment. This was why she should have never started this kind of a relationship with a client. Although, to be fair she didn’t start it.

“Monti!” Fallon’s voice was sharp through the phone.

“Yes. Hi. Sorry.” She hadn’t realized that Fallon had picked up already. Her panic was overwhelming, and no matter how many runs she’d taken that week, she hadn’t managed to figure out how to calm it down for longer than a few hours. She knew Athena was worried, that she was wondering why Monti had changed so much in the last few days, why Monti was pushing her away, but she just couldn’t bring that down on their budding relationship or the way that Athena was finally opening up.

“Monti,” Fallon said in a warning this time. “You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry. I…” Monti trailed off, locking her eyes on the curtain by the window, the one that was moving because of the breeze outside. If she could concentrate on that, then she could focus enough to talk to Fallon. “I needed to talk to you.”

“Then talk, because this awkward start-and-stop silence is starting to freak me out.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing! Tell me what’s wrong.”

“That’s what I’m saying is wrong,” Monti growled. She’d at least gotten this far in her internal debate of what to do and not do that week. She owed Fallon the explanation of a lifetime. And she hated that it was going to happen over the phone, but at this point, it was better sooner rather than later. Get one thing off her chest and then maybe she could focus on the next problem at hand.

Her relationship with Athena.

And how she’d managed to screw that one up in the short time they’d actually been together.

“I’m so confused,” Fallon’s voice shocked Monti back to reality.

“I know.” Heaving a sigh, Monti collapsed onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She’d practically memorized what it looked like at this point. And that was another problem she was going to have to deal with. She needed to calm the hell down already. “You’ve wanted to be closer to me for years, and I haven’t let you.”

There. It was out there in the universe. They could now talk about the elephant that had trampled on their lives for the last thirty some-odd years.

“What?” Fallon’s voice quivered.

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