Page 95 of Shameless Expectations

“Are you alone?”

“Yes? What’s going on?”

She knew, intuitively, that he was worried she was sick or even dying. But she couldn’t figure out a better way to say this, and the words kept getting stopped up in her throat like they always did.

“Athena? Are you okay? Are you safe?”

“Yes.” She swallowed the lump, answering him swiftly. “Yes, I’m okay, and yes, I’m safe.”

“I’ve been worried about you.” She could hear soft music in the background. He always had something playing if he was alone. Kevin hated the silence.

“Don’t be.”

“I’ll always worry about you. Simon said something about it too.”

“Did he? How was Las Vegas?” She asked, sidestepping her son’s worry and moving straight into a conversation she was far more comfortable with having.

“It was good. We had fun, lost a lot of money at the tables.”

“A lot?”

“No. You know me, I hate gambling.” Kevin clicked his tongue at her. “Simon lost money. Enough to feel like a man, not enough that he’s going to suffer for it later.”

That was also true. She’d never known him to take a risk if he could avoid it. Kevin would have worked to teach him how to gamble and stop. Athena brushed her fingers through her hair, finding knots tangled in the ends, knots she knew were there from Monti. Her cheeks reddened. She’d never been able to talk to Kevin about sex—well, not since that night. Before then? Absolutely. But so much had changed when she was raped, and it had never gone back to the way it was before.

“Why did you call, Athena? I don’t get the sense that this is a check-in.”

She sighed and pulled at the small knots, untangling her hair. How was she supposed to tell him everything that had happened? Everything she realized that she wanted? She rubbed her lips together, crossing her arms and walking to the window to stare out of it at the beach.

“Athena?”

“I’m okay, I promise you. I don’t need you rushing out here.”

“You know I will, right? And you saying that doesn’t exactly make me feel like I don’t need to be there.”

“I actually don’t need you here.” A tremble ran through her. Athena turned around and stared at the den. Why did the world look so different now than it had before? The simple answer wasn’t that the world had changed but that she had. “Do you remember graduation night? When you, me, Dennis, and Evelyn got really drunk and started listing all the expectations our parents had of us?”

“Vaguely?” Kevin was no doubt frowning, his brow furrowed as he tried to remember. Athena could see his face now, pinched in concentration.

“I’m tired of living up to what other people expect of me. Aren’t you?”

“I’m lost on what we’re talking about.”

Athena swallowed the lump. The words were on the tip of her tongue. Why couldn’t she just say them already? Why couldn’t she just tell him what she wanted? “We got married because it was a way for us to do what needed to be done and still be able to live our lives.”

“Yeah. What’s your point?”

“I love you, Kevin, so much.” Athena fisted her hand and then relaxed it. She rolled her shoulders before walking back to the chair and sitting down. Immediately, she stood up, not sure what to do or say next. But she had to get this out there. She had to tell him what she’d been contemplating. “I don’t want to be married anymore.”

The silence was deafening.

Athena waited for him to say something. She waited for him to speak, to yell, to scream, to agree or disagree. Anything! But she got nothing except that silence.

“You love her,” Kevin murmured.

“Who are you talking about?” The hair on the back of Athena’s neck stood up.

“That woman who was giving you massages.”

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