Page 91 of Shameless Expectations

Athena rubbed her full palm up and down Monti’s calf muscle to try and wake her up. But it didn’t work. Monti twitched again, her voice getting louder. Athena shifted, pushing Monti’s feet away from her thigh and reaching up.

“Monti, wake up.” Athena’s heart was in her throat.

What was she supposed to do? She’d never been with an adult who had a nightmare. But this was a nap, and most people didn’t get nightmares from naps. Athena tried again, increasing the pressure on Monti’s leg.

Monti flung upward, her chest heaving, her eyes wide open, her lips thin and her face pale. Athena jerked back, her shoulder hitting the back of the outdoor sofa and scraped her skin. Her throat clogged up instantly, but Monti didn’t move. She continued to breathe heavily as if she was unseeing.

“Monti, it’s just me.”

Shaking her head, Monti turned and planted her feet on the deck. She rested her elbows on her knees and hung her head. Athena was scared to touch her, scared to say anything to her. What was she supposed to do? She wasn’t trained for this. Hell, she could barely take care of herself most days.

“Give me a minute,” Monti mumbled. She sounded so down.

Athena’s heart broke. Just what was Monti going through? Had bringing her here been too much? Monti dropped her hand onto Athena’s knee and sucked in a sharp breath.

“I’ll be fine, just give me a minute.”

“What happened?” The question was out of Athena’s mouth before she could stop it.

She didn’t want to pry. She didn’t want Monti to think that she had to share when she didn’t. Athena bit her lip and clenched her fingers into a tight fist. Her gaze dropped to Monti’s hand still on her knee, and after another moment of hesitation, she lifted her hand up and set it right on top of Monti’s. She curled her fingers under Monti’s palm and tightened her grasp.

“Take all the time you need,” Athena corrected herself. “I’m right here.”

Monti flipped her hand up and laced their fingers. She took deep breaths and tried to relax, but her nerves were on edge. Monti was normally the calm one, but right now she was anything but. The muscles in her back tightened almost painfully as she tensed and waited for Monti to say something, do something. Because Monti was the one who knew what to do in situations like this.

“I just need a minute,” Monti repeated.

Athena didn’t answer this time, because she was pretty sure that Monti wasn’t hearing anything she said. Instead, Athena held Monti’s hand tightly in hers and waited. When nothing happened after another five minutes, Athena moved on instinct. She wrapped an arm slowly around Monti’s back, sliding her fingers from one shoulder to the other, and she pulled Monti into her chest.

Dragging in a deep breath, Athena closed her eyes and breathed in Monti’s scent. She dropped a kiss into Monti’s hair and simply held her. Monti had done the same thing to her when she’d needed it. Maybe that was all Monti needed right now. Maybe this would be enough, because it was all Athena could offer.

She was too broken to give anything else.

Monti’s shoulders shook. Her breathing was sharp, and Athena couldn’t pretend she was hearing anything but Monti trying to prevent herself from crying. Athena’s heart shattered a little more, and she threaded her fingers through Monti’s hair, pressing kisses to her head as often as she could.

What were they doing here?

They were both broken and shattered. They were both falling apart right in front of each other.

They could never work. Athena held Monti close to her, keeping Monti pressed to her chest and tightening her hold. They could stay like this a little bit longer. They could stay here in the cocoon of this trip and pretend that they might come out on the other side without any more scars to show.

These ones might be invisible to the naked eye, but they ran deep. They weren’t easy to stitch closed.

Athena pulled Monti’s mouth up to hers and kissed her. Monti fell into the embrace, the first sign that she was focused and feeling, that she was present in the here and now. Athena kissed her hard before slowing down and closing her eyes.

“It was a bad nightmare,” Monti whispered. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Your nightmare didn’t scare me,” Athena answered, curling the loose hair behind Monti’s ear. “Will you talk to me?”

“I don’t know what there is to say.”

“Whatever you want to say.” Athena pulled Monti in for another kiss, this one tender and full of compassion.

“I remember him beating her. Kind of, anyway. I remember what it sounded like.” Monti pressed her face into Athena’s neck. “It sounded like a dull thud.”

Athena remembered that sound. But it wasn’t from someone else being beaten, and she remembered what it felt like to have knuckles pound into her skin. Shaking the memory wasn’t easy, but she wanted to focus on Monti. “I know what it sounds like.”

Monti tightened. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.”

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