Page 51 of Shameless Expectations

“Somehow, I think we’re more similar than either one of us originally thought.”

sixteen

“Are you ready to start?” Monti’s voice was back to that confident calm that Athena always admired.

They’d spent the day before just talking, and that had been as much a balm to Athena as anything. Athena had never expected that. The talking had been so easy. It was never easy. Athena brushed her fingers against Monti’s arm, sliding them up to Monti’s shoulder as they stood in the doorway to the library.

Why had touching her become so easy?

Why couldn’t she seem to stop doing it?

Athena pressed her lips together and dropped her hand, her finger pads sliding against Monti’s hand before she put some distance between them. She hadn’t actually answered Monti’s question yet, and she knew that holding the silence wasn’t going to move them any closer to why they were there.

She knew eventually Monti would ask her again, needing permission before anything else could happen.

But Athena wanted to do things differently today. She wanted to take this a step further than they had before. With renewed vigor, Athena touched Monti’s hand again and slid their palms together with a squeeze.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

“Good.” Monti’s cheeks tinged a light pink.

The reaction sent a thrill into Athena’s chest. She held onto that sensation, to the closeness, the intimacy.

Athena stopped.

Hard.

Intimacy.

Is that what this was? She let go of Monti’s hand and folded her arms across her chest, but she could still feel Monti’s warm skin in hers. She could still imagine Monti’s skin brushing against her fingertips. Athena shuddered and closed her eyes, her breathing becoming ragged.

What the hell was happening to her?

Athena moved up on her toes before dropping back to her heels. They still hadn’t moved from the doorway to the library. They should have moved already, right? Athena stepped toward the door and said nothing as she walked through it with the assumption that Monti would follow her.

When they got to her bedroom, Athena walked straight to her en suite and stripped out of her shoes, socks, jacket, and bra. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and paused. Biting her lip, she looked herself over: her breasts that sagged a little lower than they did a few years ago, the smooth lines of her arms that were littered with freckles.

The shirt hid what was underneath. The scars on her skin that she’d hated to look at. She could picture them if she closed her eyes, but she didn’t want to do that. She wanted to have smooth, flawless skin like Monti did. She wanted to be young and carefree again, without all this baggage that weighed her down and made it impossible to do anything.

Today she would do that.

Or at least take one step closer to being the person she wanted to be.

With a steadying breath, Athena stepped out of the bathroom to find Monti had already set everything up. Athena walked silently and stopped in front of the bed and Monti. “I thought today we might do things a little differently.”

“Oh?” Monti raised an eyebrow and flitted her fingers over the pillow.

Athena stared down at Monti’s hands, that clog in her throat starting again. But she wanted to do this. She really did. She needed to become the person who wasn’t so afraid of living. “I thought I might take my clothes off today.”

When had she decided her pants were included in this?

“Are you sure?” Monti’s voice was firm, and her hand was on Athena’s upper arm. Warmth. Comfort. Safety.

It was exactly what Athena had needed to answer. She nodded, lifting her gaze to meet Monti’s eyes, those deep brown eyes that held so much, so tightly wound. Were they really so different from each other? Athena’s scars were just visible. Monti’s were so well masked no one would see them if they weren’t looking deep enough.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Monti smiled, tightening her grasp on Athena’s arm before letting go. “I’ll get a blanket. Then I’ll go to the bathroom while you change, get under the blanket and we’ll go from there.”

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