Page 40 of Shameless Expectations

“I’m fine,” she stated again.

Without hesitating, she walked directly out of her office, holding her breath as she passed Fallon. Athena didn’t turn around to look. She didn’t need to know what Fallon was thinking or what Kevin was wondering. Neither one of them would follow her, that much she knew. Rolling her shoulders, she walked through the house and straight to her library.

This was her safe place.

There was no other place in the world she would rather be than right here. Sighing, Athena shut the door, pressing her shoulders against it. She slid to the floor, her knees folded and pressed against her chest. She closed her eyes and let go, completely.

In here she was safe. No one would invade her space, no one would ask her questions, no one would be watching her. She didn’t cry, but she did have to work hard to settle herself into a calm enough state that she wouldn’t mind leaving the room.

Until then, she was stuck here. Butt against the hardwood floor, back against the door, and body not sure what to do. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute, and her head was still cloudy to the point she couldn’t really think straight.

What she needed was Monti.

Where the hell had that thought come from?

Athena opened her eyes and stared at the bookcase across from her, all the hardbacks and paperbacks neatly in their place. It was orderly. It was perfect in here. Sealed off from all the outside worries and fears. Athena swallowed the lump in her throat, but it came right back up. She’d never told anyone what had happened that night, not fully.

No one else needed to experience what she had even in the smallest way.

Pursing her lips, Athena blew out a breath. She was much calmer now than she was before. Alone. That was the way to go. Never with someone else, always on her own.

So why was she thinking about Monti?

Because she was such a calming presence. That had to be it. Her entire energy was calm, cool, and collected. Which probably meant she was an absolute mess underneath it all just like Athena was, but still, Athena craved that sense of peace. Monti had shown her that lately. Beautiful insights into the possibility of peace.

Sighing, Athena relaxed and pressed the back of her head into the door. Monti had shown her serenity. And that moment the other week had been so much more than that. Athena shivered, her body reacting in a new and different way. The boomerang effect—from the intensity in her office to this—was impossible to keep up with.

Monti would be so gentle with her. She’d calm her down. She’d talk but not expect answers. Except—she had. She’d asked directly what had happened twenty-one years ago, and Athena had tossed her out.

Maybe that was what had triggered this entire episode. It wasn’t Simon. It was Monti and her damn questions, her damn massages, her damn fingers. Athena nearly groaned at the memory of Monti’s hands on her shoulders and her neck. Shivering again, Athena scooted around and pulled her phone out of pocket.

She pulled up Monti’s contact and stared at her name. After all of that, after Monti pushed her and Athena had pushed back, why did she want Monti there? Why did she want Monti’s hands on her again? Why did she want to hear Monti’s voice, her smooth calm tones, the gentle place that Monti created?

No. Not gentle.

Safe.

Athena breathed out relief.

Monti was safe.

thirteen

“You about ready for lunch?” Monti stepped into Fallon’s office, expecting to find her sister nose deep in work like she always was.

Fallon jumped up and immediately started scratching her arms. She rounded the desk and stood right in front of Monti. Her eyes were wide, her lips thin, and anyone could see that she was obviously stressed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did Ms. Pruitt call you?”

Monti wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “No? Did I miss another appointment?”

“No. No, you didn’t.”

“After last time…” Monti trailed off, not sure if Athena had told Fallon about that or not. She bit the side of her tongue to try and figure out how to phrase what she was going to say next. “I didn’t think we’d scheduled another appointment, but you never know.”

“You didn’t. But she needs… fuck.” Fallon scratched her arms again.

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