Page 39 of Shameless Expectations

It was Simon. It was always Simon who brought these, and it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anything he had done. She hated that she couldn’t look at him without these damn memories. Cringing, Athena pushed herself to stand, but the room swam. She had to sit on the edge of the desk to keep from collapsing to the floor.

She held herself up, barely. She warded off as many memories as she could, but they came at her so fast that it was next to impossible. In the recesses of her awareness, she heard the knock on the door. She heard Fallon’s voice. But she couldn’t focus on it long enough to even comprehend what she was saying.

She couldn’t see Fallon’s sweetly rounded face.

Athena dragged in a breath of cold air, hoping that it would clear her mind enough to think. But she was wrong. All it did was bring the memory of the first breath of fresh air that she could take after… She froze. Gripping onto the desk for dear life, she tried her best to stay in this year. In this moment. In this reality.

But the fingers of the past kept dragging her back.

Yet, she wasn’t kicking and screaming.

Athena was quietly waiting for those memories to arrive and consume her whole. That’s how this always happened. Purely accepting what was about to happen was the best way for it to take her. She’d come out the other side faster.

“Athena.” Kevin’s voice shocked through her body.

But was it then?

Or was it now?

She couldn’t look. He’d been there in the hospital with her. He’d been the only one to come and check on her, to stay with her and navigate her healing. He’d brought her home. He’d been her savior through it all.

“Athena, come back to me.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. The cold trails they left against her skin were markers of the path of destruction as they dripped hotly off her cheeks. Why was she crying so much lately? Why couldn’t she just let it all go?

Usually it was just the emotions. Just the god-awful feelings of what had happened, of being trapped. Suffocated. True flashbacks were so rare these days.

“Athena!” Kevin’s voice was stronger.

Finally, she opened her eyes and cringed.

Fallon stood in the doorway, her eyes wide with fear. Kevin right in front of her, but giving her space. She focused on him, the length of his beard. He hadn’t had that twenty-one years ago. He’d been clean shaven. He’d been young. Those wrinkles weren’t around his eyes.

“I’m fine,” she managed to mumble. But the sound was so far from her ears that she doubted if she’d even spoken out loud.

“Liar,” Kevin spoke softly.

Which meant she had said it out loud.

Athena shuddered, finally feeling her fingers clutching the edge of her desk. They hurt so much, yet it took more effort than it should have to pry them off.

“Can I sit next to you?” Kevin took a step closer.

Athena jerked back. She stared at him with wide eyes, her voice caught in her throat. She couldn’t speak. Her heart hammered in her chest. Her entire body was on high alert. It was going to take her weeks to come down from this, to ease the triggers to the point that she could pretend to function again.

Pretend.

That’s all she’d done for two decades. If not more than that. She’d pretended even when she was little. And she’d never fucking stopped.

“Athena.” Kevin’s voice broke through her thoughts.

She looked him directly in the eye, finally seeing him truly for the first time. This was better. This was more where she should be.

“I’m fine.” Her voice sounded so far away.

“Don’t lie again.”

She gave him a flat look and stood up, smoothing her hands down her thighs as she glanced toward Fallon—who still looked scared. Fallon had never seen her like this before. But Athena wasn’t going to address that—not yet. Not if she could avoid it.

---