Page 22 of Hope and Other Lost Things

“I figured we would both be more comfortable in a different part of town.”

“Thank you,” Julia said softly. It was the perfect location, no expectations.

“I figured we could talk first and then tackle scheduling and logistics?”

Julia contemplated that for a moment. “Maybe we should work first so we aren’t distracted by anything personal?”

Her question hung in the air as she watched Erin’s smile slowly fade. She wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. She needed time to release the tension in her shoulders first. She still had to come up with a plan.

“Julia, can I be honest with you?”

“I would hope for nothing less.”

“I,” she paused and then leaned more over the table. In a hushed tone, Erin admitted, “I don’t think I can get through a conversation on any topic until we talk personally first. It’s all I can think of when I –”

Her words trailed off, her gaze momentarily fixated on Julia’s lips before returning to meet her eyes. Was that intentional? The seductive way her eyes scoped her out–like a wolf stalking its prey–took Julia’s breath away. How could she be forward, so flirty?

“Erin,” she breathed, sitting up straighter as she shifted in her seat. Did someone just turn the heat up? Suddenly she wished for the brisk 30-degree chill outside. Stepping out for a breath of fresh air wasn’t suspicious, right?

“I don’t know why I kissed you like that in that bathroom, but I would do it again,” Erin blurted out, still leaning towards her. “Even though I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years it would be you I had to meet the next day, I would do it again.”

Julia didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t know if the twirling in her stomach would betray her brain.

“I wished I got your number,” Erin admitted. “I asked Greg, but he wouldn’t give it up. Would you like to know what he told me?”

Julia’s stomach twirled as goosebumps spread up her arms. She wanted her number. She would do it again. She would kiss her again, but they couldn’t. Professional responsibilities, and all that other crap. She couldn’t risk two decades of work within Kleinton. That was what rested between the lines, the lines they didn’t want to read.

“To jump ship while you can?” Julia was only half joking.

“That he didn’t know what or who or why, but he knew you’d been through enough heartbreak for a lifetime,” Erin paused as she leaned back in her seat, her voice a whisper compared to the bustle of voices around them, “and that anyone who was going to get your number would have to prove themselves worthy of you.”

“Bah!” Julie choked on a laugh. “I am the person who gets left, not the person who is sought after.” Well, that was a little extreme for casual conversation.

She couldn’t believe what just came out of her mouth. Something about this woman made her want to pour out every hidden secret before her in fine print. She was already in too deep to run. This conversation had to happen, but it most certainly didn’t have to be sober.

Julia reached for Erin’s beer and finished the rest in one swift gulp. Erin leaned back in her seat, watching her carefully. She had a slight twinkle of amusement in her eyes.

“Okay, where do you want to start?” Julia asked, setting the empty can back down and pulling out the professionalism she kept tucked away in her back pocket.

“Can we start at the beginning, Mrs. Jenner?”

Julia sighed louder than she meant to. That one word hung on a string between them. She could use it to her advantage. She could lie and say she was happily married. She could say that with too many tequilas, she’d sleep with anyone. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to lie to those kind, emerald eyes. She wouldn’t be the reason that smile disappeared from her lips, even if just for a moment.

Lost in thought, Julia stood up and walked to the counter. She paid for two more beers, ordered two slices of New York-style pizza, and returned to the table. She decided at that exact moment–in the place in-between her brain telling her to run like a track star out of there and her skin wanting to feel that spring-time warmth–she would tell Erin everything, even what only Keegan knew. She had nothing to lose.

“I am married,” she began.

She watched Erin stiffened in her seat, her shoulders rolled back as she cracked open the beer. Then, her expression softened, and she sighed almost imperceptibly, as if those three little words were what she came there fearing.

“But it isn’t what you think,” Julia hastily added, her defense tumbling out. This was harder than she thought it would be. Saying those words aloud would be like choking on air–the moment of suffocation as smoke rises, drowning everything else out. “My wife left me over a year ago. There’s no one else. There never was.” Julia gulped, pausing in an attempt to slow her quickening heart rate, to stop the ringing in her ears. “But I am still married to her.”

She only admitted that once before. Talking about something so intimate, so personal, to a stranger should’ve embarrassed her. It should’ve been harder, but it wasn’t.

Erin looked up from her beer and studied her for a moment. Julia tried to steady her breath, hoping the redness of her chest couldn’t be seen through the sheerness of her blouse.

“I’m so sorry, Jules,” Erin murmured, shaking her head apologetically, her eyes brimming with genuine compassion.

Jules. Oh.

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