Before I turn it on, I grab my phone, giving in.
Me: Is this your actual number?
I intend to immediately shove it back in my pocket, but a reply flashes before I put it away.
Royal Psycho: Why, hello, love. Delighted to hear from you. Yes, it is.
Why does it sound like he absolutely expected me to text him? I told him no, numerous times, in various ways.
And then I bloody texted him, like an idiot.
I stuff my phone back in my pocket and head home, resolutely ignoring the three beeps I feel through my pants.
It’s one thirty this time, and I enter a blissfully silent apartment. Ellie and Meg have work in the morning on weekdays, so they save all sexcapades for the weekend.
I make a conscious effort to start the kettle and brew some herbal tea, before sinking on the sofa and retrieving my phone.
Royal Psycho: It’s been some time since I indulged in middle of the night texting. Isn’t it customary to receive interesting pictures at this time?
Royal Psycho: Or filthy promises. I’m not fussy.
Royal Psycho: Come on, Liv. You wouldn’t have texted me if you didn’t want to play.
I find myself imagining his voice as I read the words, and I flush.
Me: I was driving, if you must know. And no pictures for you. You’ve seen enough of me, don’t you think?
Royal Psycho: Not nearly as much as I will, and soon. If a hundred grand isn’t enough, name your price.
My jaw drops. Name my fucking price?
Me: I told you I wasn’t a whore.
Royal Psycho: Everything is for sale.
Me: Oh yeah? How much do YOU cost?
Royal Psycho: I’d fuck anyone for a billion in cash.
I grunt in annoyance, because truth be told, I don’t think anyone would refuse that deal, even billionaires.
Me: What if that’s my price? A billion.
Royal Psycho: Now we’re talking.
Me: You’d pay it?
Royal Psycho: No, but we can start the negotiations.
Me: Cheapskate.
Royal Psycho: Any businessman worth his salt knows not to pay more than the market value on a product. I’m quite certain you’ll lower your fee.
Me: *middle finger emoji*
Royal Psycho: Now, now. That wasn’t very mature of you. Two hundred and fifty thousand.
I blink.