Page 27 of Finding Gwen

“Are you dizzy?” he asked, concern lacing his words. “I can ask the nurse to come back.”

“No, I’m okay. Just need a minute for my legs to adjust.” Tentatively, I stepped away from the bed, much more confident in my own strength. Anthony released me, reaching over to grab the robe at the end of the bed and helping me to put it on. His hands returned to their spots, guiding me to the bathroom as I focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Once we reach the door, he lets go of my waist, stepping in front of me and bending slightly so I could see his face without straining to look up.

“Do you want a few minutes to yourself?” he asked, reaching to tuck hair behind my ears. I nodded my head, definitely wanting a little privacy. He straightened himself, placing a kiss on the top of my head before flipping the light on in the bathroom. “I’ll be right out here if you need me. Just holler.”

I stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and going straight to the toilet to relieve my bladder. After getting cleaned up, I stopped in front of the sink and someone I didn’t recognize was staring back at me in the mirror. My hair was a mess, bandages cover the back of my head. I saw the start of bruising on the side of my face and throat. All of a sudden, memories from the night flooded my mind.

“There’s no reason we can’t have a little fun…” The words echoed through my mind as I pushed away from the sink, stumbling backwards. My back hits the wall and I slide down it, pulling my knees to my chest. I was stuck under him again, unable to breathe. Fingers like sandpaper shoved into me as jagged nails dug into my skin, pain shooting through every nerve of my body. “See baby, you like this…”

I could feel my body starting to shake and the darkness threatened the edges of my vision as I wrapped my arms around my knees. Anthony was right outside the door. I just needed to call out, but I couldn’t move or speak. I was left with only the screaming in my mind that I didn’t want his body on mine. No… Please… Stop.

Chapter Nineteen

Anthony

Crossing my arms, I leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom. As much as it pained me, I gave Gwendalyn the privacy I knew she needed right now. Exhaustion was finally catching up to me, so I closed my eyes to clear my mind for a few minutes. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I had no idea how I slept at all last night. When I woke up to her looking at me, her eyes wide with satisfaction, it was like I could finally breathe again. The mirage of a professional boundary that I had fooled myself into believing was gone. It was time she knew how badly I needed her. I refused to let anything happen to her ever again.

Despite what the doctor and everyone else in this hospital seemed to think, I have never laid a hand on Gwendalyn, on any woman. But there were too many people out there who would, so the concern was understandable. Opening my eyes and standing straight, I started pacing outside the bathroom door. Why didn’t I find a way to make her stay? I should have been able to protect her. Someone touched her, even if she doesn’t remember what happened to her and I needed to know who. If it had anything to do with the case I’d been working… Fuck!

Hearing the toilet finally flush, I stopped my pacing and faced the bathroom door. I waited for Gwendalyn to come out, but she was taking too long and I was growing impatient as the questions started circling around in my head. Not bothering to knock, I slowly opened the bathroom door, so I didn’t hit her if she was standing at the sink. She wasn’t, though, and I quickly scanned the room, catching a quick glimpse of her hair in the mirror. Slipping inside, I closed the door behind me before sitting down on the floor in front of her.

Her legs were pulled up to her chest, with her arms wrapped around them. Her head was tucked down as far as it would go. It was almost as if she was trying to hide from something by making herself as small as possible. Reaching out, I placed my hand on one of hers, trying to offer her any amount of comfort she would take. She flinched slightly but didn’t pull away. Her reaction to such a small contact had me battling with going into detective mode. Gwendalyn didn’t need that part of me. She needed to know I was here for her.

“Gwen,” I tried to keep my voice soft, not wanting to scare her or make her pull further into herself. “I’m right here. Whatever you need.” She lifted her head and I could see tears pooling in the corner of her eyes, her walls threatening to crumble. Even though she barely met my eyes, I saw every ounce of pain she was feeling, what she was remembering.

Oscurità mia was raging in my mind, anger forcing its way through my veins causing the hand not holding onto Gwendalyn to flex. I was going to find the person who touched her and have his body join the dozens of others who thought they could get away with putting their hands on a woman. She was mine, luce mia. No one would ever hurt her again. Shoving down all the anger, I reached out and urged her into my arms as tears started streaming down her cheeks. She came willingly, and I settled her into my lap with her head resting on my chest as I sat on the floor.

One of my hands found its place on her back, running up and down her spine, attempting to calm her. My head rested on top of hers as I softly whispered that she was safe and I wasn’t going anywhere. It felt as if several minutes had passed and her cries had shifted into sobs. Every alarm in my body told me I needed to calm her down before she started to hyperventilate.

“Gwendalyn, you need to breathe. Please.” I mumbled into her hair as I attempted to keep the panic out of my voice.

She tucked her face into my chest, one of her hands fisting my shirt. “I-I can’t. Ev-every-everything h-hurts.” Her voice was muffled as her body began shaking. I wrapped both of my arms around her body, pulling her further into me, wanting to take away all of her pain. I felt useless, my own anger slowly making its way back to the surface at my inability to be enough for Gwendalyn in the moment. Shifting her in my lap, I pressed my lips against her temple.

“Deep, deep breaths,” I whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Her body shifted as she tried in between sobs. She wasn’t getting enough air, her chest rising and falling too quickly.

“I’m–I’m sorry, Anthony. I sh-sh-should’ve l-listened to y-you,” she said, barely above a whisper. If I wasn’t listening intently to her, I would have missed it. I snapped.

Unwrapping my arms from around her, I placed my hands on her cheeks and gently guided her face so she was looking at me. Her eyes were closed, squeezing shut with enough force that I knew it had to be causing her pain, and her face was splotchy. “Please, look at me,” I encouraged. She slowly opened her eyes but avoided my gaze, staring down into the space between our bodies. I brought her face higher, forcing her to look at me. “You have nothing to apologize for, absolutely nothing.” She closed her eyes again and started shaking her head. I thumbed away the tears that continued falling. I need her to know that this was not her fault. Right now, my focus was getting her breathing normally.

My heart shattered when I removed my hands from her face and pain flooded her features, as if my hands were the only thing keeping her in the moment. I ran my hands down her arms, making circles with my thumbs until I reached her hands. I picked them up and pressed her palms against my chest. “Gwen, you need to breathe. Stop thinking and just breathe. Please.” I begged her, forcing my voice to stay steady and calm while I exaggerated my own breathing.

“Gwendalyn,” I raised my voice, wanting her to focus on me and not the memories that must be assaulting her mind. She shook her head, her eyes still closed, and I needed to break through to her. Fuck it.

“Luce mia, look at me,” I asserted, putting a little more authority into my voice, hoping it conveyed the seriousness of what I needed from her without scaring her. “Now.” Hesitantly, she opened her eyes and stared into mine. “That’s my girl. Keep looking at me.” I barely noticed the slight nod of her head as I persisted in pushing my luck being forceful. If that’s what she needed, then that was what I was going to do. “Breathe with me. Deep inhale.” I pulled in a breath and she mirrored me. “Slow exhale. You can do this.” I did my best to keep the darkness threatening the edges of my vision away as I pressed her palms in my chest harder, the pain from her nails pressing into the skin calming my mind.

Slowly, she took in more air, the rising and falling of her chest evening out. I kept my eyes on her, the darkness around the edges of mine retreating as her tears dried up. Her body stopped shaking and her shoulders visibly relaxed. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. Trying to keep my composure, I reminded myself that Gwendalyn was safe. She was sitting in front of me and I would do everything in my power to keep her safe.

“Gwendalyn,” I started, lowering our hands from my chest to her lap, keeping her hands folded with mine, “I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but we need to talk about what happened last night.” I didn’t want to push her, but for my own sanity, I needed to know. Much to her credit, she didn’t flinch at my questions. Her forehead stayed pressed against mine.

“I don’t know if I can,” she muttered sadly, her fingers twitching in my hands.

“Oh, luce mia,” I sighed and opened my eyes, pulling away and releasing her hands to cradle her jaw. Her eyes fluttered open, sadness flashing across her features, as her body deflated into me. “You can, I know you can. Because you’re the strongest person I have ever met.” Her face was inches away from mine, and I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss away all the darkness and leave behind only the light. I can’t, though. This was my fault. I had let this happen to her.

“Will you help me?” she asked, her question bringing me back to the moment. My chest tightened with emotion. I was sitting here blaming myself, but she never lost faith in me. She had never stopped trusting me. For a split second, I even saw a twinkle of hope in her eyes.

“Of course. Whatever you need, I’m here,” I said, pulling her in for a hug. I let her wrap her arms around my waist and rest her head on my shoulder with her nose rubbing against my neck. We sat in a comfortable silence for what could have easily been ages. Time seemed to have slowed down, and I was grateful for that. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace. My own body had relaxed into the embrace and I wanted to live in this moment for the rest of my life. I had Gwendalyn in my arms and right now, I could protect her. But how long would that last? She would have to relive what she went through, but she wouldn’t be doing it alone. I would be beside her every step of the way if she wanted me to be.

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