Page 11 of Finding Gwen

“There’s just one minor detail that I didn’t know about…” I paused, taking a breath to gather myself. “It’s a live-in position, Ivy. After everything that happened with Matt, I don’t know if I can do it.” I could feel the tears building and attempted to push them down with another drink of wine.

“Oh, sweet pea.” Ivy rested her hand on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m not sure what to do. On one hand, I definitely felt an instant connection with the little boy.” I stopped myself before I could spill my guts completely about the attraction to Anthony. “On the other hand, the thought of living in Anthony’s house has my stomach in knots. I don’t want to be put in another situation like I was with Matt, dependent on him to support me.” After emptying my glass of the remaining wine, I set it down on the table before letting out a small scream of frustration. A few stray tears had slipped past the walls and I quickly wiped them away.

“I’m so tired of crying! I want to punch something, or someone,” I yelled, clenching my hands into fists. Ivy reached onto the couch, pulling a large pillow into her arms and offering it to me. I grabbed it, setting it on my lap, and pictured Matt’s face as I jabbed my fist into the middle. It did little to alleviate my building frustration, so instead, I leaned down into the fabric and let out the loudest scream possible. The fabric seemed to absorb most of the sound, though all I could truly hear was the pounding of my heart. Sitting up, I discarded the pillow behind me with a toss and hoped I wouldn’t hit anything fragile.

“What if I talk to Anthony?” Ivy and I both turned to Carol, who was sipping her wine without much expression, even though she just witnessed me on the edge of a mental breakdown. “I could explain to him the situation–with minimal details–and let him know you aren’t currently comfortable with the idea of living in his house. I could help you find a nearby apartment. You may have to negotiate some kind of on-call schedule, but it’s not completely unheard of.”

“I don’t think I could afford an apartment on my own. My savings would barely cover a deposit and first month’s rent. Matt’s engagement ring was as fake as he was, so that didn’t help,” I mumbled.

“Well, what about Ivy?” Carol looked toward her as I turned my head. I could feel myself gaining some hope. Ivy had said she would go wherever I was, and even though I always protested, in this moment I knew I needed my best friend.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she sheepishly replied and hung her head, refusing to meet either of our gazes. The little bit of hope I had felt quickly disappeared. After a minute, Ivy looked up at me. “Remember the call from last night when we were at the bar? That was the manager of the biggest event center in Pittsburgh. They want to offer me a six-month contract for their wedding and holiday season. It’s an amazing opportunity.” I could see the guilt in her eyes as she said it.

My heart hurt for my friend. Ivy had stayed in Pittsburgh to offer me support when I needed it the most. She would have never admitted to being unhappy, but I knew she wanted to do more with her life. Whenever a chance had risen for her to leave Pittsburgh, she turned it down to stay near me. I knew I would always be able to count on her, but right now, I wanted to give her the opportunity to find the happiness she deserved. Even if that meant we would be in different states.

“You should accept their offer,” I blurted. Ivy blinked at me, nearly speechless from my statement.

“Gwen—” she tried to argue with me.

“No,” I cut her off, giving her a look as I took her hand. “It’s about time you did something for yourself instead of following your damsel in distress best friend everywhere. Maybe accepting this job and moving will be good for me.” Ivy threw herself at me, enveloping me in a hug tight enough to break a rib or two. We nearly toppled over, and in the process of trying to stay upright, I heard a chime and watched Carol fish out her phone from her pocket.

Ivy pulled away, grabbing my hands in hers with a smile beaming on her face. “Okay, I’ll accept the job, but as soon as this contract is up, I’m coming to Chicago. Plus, I’m only a phone call away if something happens. I won’t hesitate to jump in my car or book the next flight. I’ll always have your back.” She released my hands and pulled me in for another quick hug, before Carol cleared her throat next to us, effectively getting our attention.

“I have your back now, too, ya know?” She finished typing away on her phone before looking up and waving her phone toward me. “That was Anthony emailing me about wanting you and only you. He’s willing to do whatever it takes for you to accept the position, including doubling the pay, if that’s what it takes.” My jaw fell open. Carol stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

Looking at Ivy, she nodded her head at me, her way of silently encouraging me to do what felt right. There was still a part of me that hesitated. The attraction that I couldn’t get a handle on was keeping me from jumping headfirst into this. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this, though.

For so long, I had been dependent on other people, relying on them and worrying about making them happy in order to feel any kind of happiness of my own. Matt was in jail and was no longer able to hold me back. I would push this teenage crush deep down and focus on being professional. It was time to do something simply because I wanted to and tell my fears to fuck off.

“So what do you think? Do you want the job?” Carol interrupted my inner pep talk and I turned toward her.

“Yes.” A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “But I don’t want him to double what he was already offering.”

“This calls for a celebratory drink!” Ivy squealed, jumping up from her spot on the floor, and I heard her bare feet on the floor of the kitchen. Carol started typing away on her phone again as mine alerted me to a notification.

“That’ll be your contract. Give it a once over some time tonight before you sign it and send it back to me. I’ll let Anthony know you’ve accepted and are going to review the contract,” she said without looking up from her phone, still typing away when Ivy came back with a bottle of champagne.

“I had a feeling my best friend would find herself while we were here. I had to buy the good stuff, just in case,” Ivy said, shooting me a wink and beaming down at me while popping the cork off the bottle. More tears threatened to make their escape. Unlike earlier, these tears were from pure happiness and a gut feeling that this was the right path.

The rest of the weekend had gone by too fast. On Sunday, Carol insisted on joining Ivy and me for a shopping spree, claiming she knew all the best spots to stock up on the necessities. I had decided there was no point in trying to get my things from Matt’s house. Though I would have to rebuild my wardrobe of t-shirts and leggings, it was a small price to pay for being rid of that useless excuse of a man. Nothing else of value was there, anyway, seeing as my car and the house were in Matt’s name, and I didn’t want to waste my energy fighting him for any kind of ownership. I decided the best thing for me to do was to move forward and never look back.

Monday morning, the three of us drove to the airport. After several dozen hugs and promises of “I’ll visit soon,” Carol and I waved as Ivy went through TSA. Afterwards, the two of us went out for lunch before she drove me to Anthony’s house. She had assured me everything was handled with my contract and payroll, as she had been working with Anthony for a few weeks to get everything set up before he had officially hired someone.

Now, we were parked outside his house, and I was doing my best to shove down my anxiety over this new situation. My fingers mindlessly worked at my already shredded cuticles. I looked down at my hands cupped in my lap and saw blood quickly pooling at the base of my nail from the picking. Before this weekend, I would have felt self-conscious over showing my emotions in front of someone I had just met, but Carol just seemed different.

“I’ll call you at the end of the week to check in, but do not hesitate to reach out if you need absolutely anything before then,” she said as she wordlessly passed me a bandage from her center console. I appreciated the fact that she didn’t say a thing about it and I quickly wrapped my finger. “You’ve got this,” she added, and I turned to look at Carol as she offered me a warm smile.

“Thank you. For everything,” I whispered, leaning over to give her a hug. After we pulled apart, I got out of the car and grabbed my suitcase from the trunk. Ivy had leant me one of hers when we made the trip to Chicago and insisted I keep it. Walking to the driveway of the house, I waved to Carol as she pulled away, and I made my way up to the front door. Pausing on the front porch, I took a minute to remind myself that I was a strong, independent woman. I had this.

Reaching out to ring the doorbell, I paused when I heard a tiny voice coming from the other side, followed by what sounded like tiny feet shuffling. “Daddy, daddy! Miss Gen?”

“She will be here any minute, figlio mio. Patience.” I could only imagine the two of them on the other side of the door, his dad crouching next to him to be down at his level.

“Ow-sigh, Daddy. Peas!” Oliver’s excited voice was filling my heart with joy and a sense that I had made the right choice by accepting the job.

“Alright, little man,” Anthony sighed. “We will wait outside for Ms. Gwendalyn.”

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