Page 97 of The Unwanted Wife

"He survived the mission?" She chews on her lower lip. I keep my gaze off the glistening flesh. Now’s not the time to think of how my cock twitches every time she worries her lip with her teeth.

"He did. But he didn’t want you to know. It was as if he knew his days were numbered."

"What... What happened?"

"They found him on his bed, dressed in his uniform. He’d put a bullet through his head."

"Oh, my god!" She slaps her palms over her mouth.

"It was my fault. I never should have left him alone. I’d stayed by his side throughout everything. I thought he was getting better. That was the first day I stepped away for a walk. Turns out, he’d bribed one of the cleaning staff in the hospital to procure a gun. I should have realized how desperate he was. He was no longer the cheerful soldier I knew. He’d become withdrawn, depressed. I should have realized he’d gone into a dark place inside. I should have helped him. Should have insisted he was watched around the clock. I failed."

That weight in my stomach sinks to my feet. I lower my chin to my chest. "I’m so sorry, Starling. It’s my fault he’s not here. If I could exchange my life for his, I’d do it. If there were anything I could do to take his place, I would."

"Don’t say that."

There’s a touch on my head, and when I look up, she runs her fingers through my hair.

“I’m not sure I would’ve survived your dying," she whispers.

"I live with the guilt of having survived every single day."

She lowers her hand, and this time, when I catch it, she doesn’t pull away.

"I love you, Starling."

She shakes her head. "Yet, you played me. All along, you knew the truth and you never told me."

I set my jaw. "You were fragile. The doctors said your memories could come back at any time, but I had to allow it to happen naturally, on your timetable. I had to protect you from the truth until you were strong enough to face it.”

“You mean, you were waiting until you could use the situation to your advantage by asking me to marry you in return for your helping to save my business.”

I square my shoulders. “No, it wasn’t until I saw you again that I realized I couldn’t continue living without you. And maybe, it was a bit heavy-handed to push you into a marriage you didn’t want, and I’ll admit, I was being selfish. But as far as reminding you of the truth, I was warned, if I revealed anything before you were ready, it could make your condition worse. No matter how much it would have relieved my conscience, I couldn’t burden you. You were my priority. I had to do everything in my power to ensure you were shielded?—"

She purses her lips. “You mean lied to, don’t you?”

I flinch. “I mean, sheltered”—I swallow— “from anything that could upset your already fragile state. Meanwhile, you had to live life as usual. It was tough for me to watch you from a distance, but I forced myself to comply. I knew it was better for you to let things be. I forced myself to bide my time and not approach you. Until my grandfather insisted I go to your bakery that day."

"You knew you were going to see me when you came into the bakery that day?"

I nod.

“But you seemed so angry. So unapproachable. You seemed to resent the fact that you were seeing me again. I was convinced you hated me because I’d thrown myself at you and kissed you the last time we’d met.”

“Not you, me. I hated how much I wanted you when I came face-to-face with you at the bakery. I’d been watching you from afar, but being so close to you”—I draw in a breath— “I realized how much I wanted you in my life. I knew I was going to use the situation to my advantage. I knew I was going to ask you to marry me in return for saving your business. Seeing you forced all of my feelings to the surface. I didn’t want to wait any longer. What if someone else found you, and I never had another chance? I couldn’t let that happen. I knew I’d regret it forever. I thought about coming clean then, on everything?—”

“But you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t.” I square my shoulders. “The memories had to come back to you in an organic fashion. I couldn’t risk saying or doing anything that might trigger you.”

Her throat moves as she swallows. Her chin quivers. I see the rejection in her eyes, and my heart seems to shatter.

“Don’t hate me, Starling, please.”

“I... I don’t hate you, Nate. I can’t. Ben wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“And he probably wouldn’t agree with everything I’ve done so far, but I swear, I only had your best interests at heart.”

A tear runs down her cheek.

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