Page 54 of The Unwanted Wife

He shakes his head. “It’s in the past.”

There’s so much I don’t know about him. So much I want to know about him.

“Thank you for sharing…” I swallow.

He looks at me strangely. “You’re my wife. Of course, I’d want to share that with you.”

My wife. A thrill dances up my spine. There’s a fizzing sensation in my chest that bubbles out to my extremities. Why do I feel like I’m in over my head? Why do I already feel so much for my husband? I glance away and pretend to be absorbed in the view of Primrose Hill, which stretches out before us. There are a few people jogging up the slope, but otherwise, it’s quiet.

Beyond that, the city stretches out, and in the distance, I can make out the dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral, the soaring glass and steel facade of The Shard, the bullet-like shape of The Gherkin, and the huge wheel of the London Eye.

He turns to me and raises his glass. "To us."

I clink my glass with his and meet his mis-matched gaze. "To never hiding anything from each other."

His features shutter at once, and I curse myself. My sub-conscious must have been working overtime for me to say those words. And I’m one to talk, considering I haven’t told him about Hugo yet.

His gaze narrows. "Something you want to tell me, wife?"

I swallow. It’s now or never. And I haven’t done anything wrong, after all. I place my flute of Champagne on the table between us, then fold my fingers together. "There was another reason I accepted your proposal of marriage in return for the money you offered."

"You wanted to rescue your business." He nods.

"Not just that." I hunch my shoulders.

The skin around his eyes tightens; otherwise, there’s no other reaction on his features. He raises his glass of water to his mouth and takes a sip.

The silence stretches, and I curse myself. Why did I have to bring this up now? And on our wedding day? Maybe I don’t like having this secret between us? Maybe I want to start our life together on a clean slate?

"After completing my baking course from the Master Baker Program?—"

"Ben was so proud when you won the scholarship to study there. He did mention you had to take out a loan to finance your living costs though.”

“Wow, he really kept you abreast of the details.” I scowl.

“Only because he was upset he wasn’t able to help you more with the costs.” He holds up his palm. “I was his best friend, and I knew you; it was natural for him to share.”

I lock my fingers together. "I’m still paying off the loan, though the money you paid into my account should help with that, too." I hunch my shoulders. "Anyway, I moved to London, and apprenticed at a well-known pastry-shop, which is where I met Hugo. He was eighteen and had transitioned out of the care system. He was a brilliant baker but hadn’t been able to study it professionally, so he was stuck doing odd jobs. He was the little brother I never had. And with Ben being away so much, I was alone. I pretty much adopted him.

“When I told him about my plans for The Fearless Kitten, he was excited. He decided to join me.” I swallow. “A week after we opened, we were both working long hours. He’d been at the bakery until 2 a.m. the previous day and I told him he needn’t come in early the next day to help me open the shop, but he insisted. He was exhausted and in such a hurry, he didn't strap on his helmet. As he reached the bakery, I ran onto the road in front of him. I still don’t know what possessed me to do that. He swerved to avoid me and ended up losing control of the bike. His helmet fell off and he hit his head on the sidewalk. I was hurt in the accident, but my injuries weren’t serious. Hugo, on the other hand…” I rub at my temple. “It changed his life forever. He changed the trajectory of his bike so he wouldn’t hit me and ended up changing the trajectory of his life instead.”

I hunch my shoulders.

“That smiling, laughing boy who’d been destined for big things, turned into someone who has the disposition of a five-year-old. He needs around-the-clock care. Thanks to the state, I was able to find a place that could accommodate him, but I had to cover some of the costs. Between spending time with him and trying to keep the bakery afloat, the workload became too much for me. I wanted to shut down the pastry shop, but in his moments of coherence, Hugo would tell me to hang in there. He’d tell me I had to give it a shot, for both of us."

"So, you kept it going."

I nod. "Only, it began to bleed money, almost from day one. This venture has been the most intense learning experience of my life." I glance down at my hands. "It’s also been the most frightening. Every day, I’ve hoped the business would turn around. Every day, I’ve been disappointed. You know the scariest part?"

He tilts his head.

"If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Except, I’d stop Hugo from riding his motorcycle over to the bakery that day. I can’t remember why I was standing on the road that day, but it’s my fault he crashed trying to avoid me.”

Nate’s jaw tics. A muscle works below his cheekbone, but he doesn’t say anything.

"You know what’s worse?” I shift my weight from foot to foot. “Looking at Hugo now, taking in the dimmed light in his eyes. The way he often doesn’t know where he is and who I am. How he sometimes thinks I’m his mother, and sometimes his sister. How he’s still able to cook up the best burger I’ve ever tasted when you put him in a kitchen, which can only be when he’s supervised. His muscle memory still works. Can you believe that? It’s only his recollections of all the other incidents in his life which are deteriorating. The doctors think his condition could worsen, and if that happens, it won’t be long before he’s catatonic."

I look away then back at him. “I sometimes think, he’d have been better off if he’d died." I squeeze my eyes shut. There, I’ve said it aloud. "I feel responsible for Hugo but also, sometimes, I resent the fact I decided to take it on. If I could have relinquished his care to the state completely, I’d have been better off… Or so I think. And then in the next breath, I know I would never do that. And then, I resent myself for being so selfish."

---