I pour the mixture into a cake tin, then slide it into the oven.
I worried about Ben when he was gone, though I never showed it. I wouldn’t have wanted him to feel that I was unhappy with his choice of a career. Serving the country ran in his blood. It’s who he was. He thrived on the adrenaline of being on the front line, facing the enemy, and living on a knife’s edge. His identity was so tightly bound to that of being a Marine, I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else. So, I took a step back. I never showed him how stressful it was for me when he was gone. I never hinted at how lonely it felt without him.
"Do you have some cake mixture left for me?"
I hear his voice behind me and whirl around. "Ben, you came?"
He walks forward and takes my hands in his. "I wasn’t going to leave without saying goodbye, was I?"
"Oh, Ben." A tear slides down my cheek. "I miss you so much."
"Me, too, little sis." He pulls me into his arms. "There, there, you’re not alone. You have Nate.” He pats my head.
“I wish you were here, too.” I sniffle.
"But I am."
I lean back and scowl at him. "What do you mean?"
"I’ll always be in your heart, sis. I’ll always be there for you when you think of me."
"Promise?" I take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles.
"Promise." He gently extracts his fingers from mine, then leans around, scoops up some of the cake mixture from the side of the mixing bowl, and licks it off. "Hmm…" There’s a contemplative expression on his face.
"What’s missing?"
"Nothing, it’s good," he says in a tone that implies there’s definitely something missing.
"Ben," I warn.
"No, really, it’s good; just not a patch on drinking a pint of stout."
I make a face. "Ugh, I shouldn’t have asked you for your opinion."
"But I’d have given it anyway." He grins, then leans down and kisses my forehead. "Take care, sis. And make me one promise."
"Anything."
"Your first born… You’ll name him after me?"
"Of course." I laugh. "But we’re not going to start a family, not for a few years."
He gives me a knowing smile. "Love you."
"Love you, too, big bro."
He turns and prowls out.
"Starling?" I start out of my reverie to find my husband standing in front of me.
He’s watching me with a worried glance. "You okay?"
I sniffle. "Of course. When did you get here?" I blink away the remnants of that vision from my eyes. “I... spoke to Ben again… Only this time, it felt like a goodbye, but… Also… It filled me with so much hope.” I look between his eyes. “Is something wrong with me that I speak to my dead brother?”
“Oh, baby.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. “There is no right or wrong here; we all cope with grief in the best way we can.”
“H-how do you do it? Don’t you miss him? How do you always seem so much in control?”