Page 24 of Past Present Future

Adhira nods. “For three blissful weeks, until my family went out of town during spring break and our relationship couldn’t survive the distance.” She nudges Skyler. “Nice to see you finally made it out of Staten.”

“Say what you will, but no one does bagels quite like Staten Island. Or pizza. Or pasta. It’s a real culinary paradise.”

“And no one stans Staten like you do.”

“Honestly, I’m starting to think I picked the wrong school,” I say. “Is it too late to transfer to somewhere on Staten?”

Skyler throws up his hands in mock frustration. “Look, one day you’ll see Staten Island for yourself and you’ll just get it.”

Behind Skyler’s back, Adhira mouths to me, No, you won’t, and I have to muffle a laugh. “What’s your major?” she asks. “I’m psychology.”

“Linguistics. I’m actually in Psych 101 right now though,” I say. “It probably seems basic to you, but it’s kind of blowing my mind so far.”

“No, I loved it! Professor Bayer?” she asks, and I nod. “Have you done the unknown psychologist project yet?”

“We just started,” I say. The professor gave us several dozen names of lesser-known psychologists and challenged us to pick one we hadn’t heard of for a semester-long project. After some preliminary googling, I selected Lawrence Kohlberg, an American psychologist with Jewish German roots whose research focused on moral development. Many of the people on the list were Jewish—something I’ve been eager to share with Rowan. “I have Lawrence Kohlberg. He did a lot with morality that I’m still trying to understand. Do you know him?”

“Nope. I did Karen Horney—”

“A-plus name,” Skyler interjects, which earns him a few eye rolls.

“—who was one of the first female psychiatrists. Her work was pretty groundbreaking for the time, and I’m kind of obsessed with her—like, the idea that women’s psychology shouldn’t be defined in terms of men. She had this huge beef with Freud, because his theories were so male-dominated and frankly disgusting.” At this, she full-body shudders. “The deeper you get, the stronger your opinions on Freud. I for one would be elated if I never had to hear his name again.”

“Oh—I’m not sure how far I’ll go,” I say, because as interesting as that sounds, my heart has always been with linguistics. “It’s just for a science credit, really.”

“Right.” A shrug. “Well, if you need someone to vent with about Freud, you know where to find me.”

This is followed by a lull in the conversation, during which Skyler gestures down the hall with his beer bottle. “So, are we gonna get a grand tour?”

“Obviously.”

Adhira and Zoe show us around the apartment—modern, recently renovated, walls covered with vintage art deco posters—before Skyler spots their old yearbook in Adhira’s room and begs to look through it. Zoe gives me a look before someone calls out to her and she disappears into the crowd.

I take a sip of my beer, heading back toward the living room. I don’t hate the way it makes me less conscious of my body. Lighter. I wouldn’t want much more than this, but the slight buzz I have going is enough to keep me from getting too in my head, letting me have a casual chat with a guy in my linguistics class and a conversation with a complete stranger about an upcoming Star Wars spin-off that we’re cautiously excited about, which is generally the case with new Star Wars content.

About twenty minutes have passed before Skyler approaches me again, a different beer bottle in his hand this time. “Adhira just informed me that Zoe wanted to know if you’re single.”

I nearly start choking. “Zoe… what?”

A grin curls his lips. He clearly finds this amusing. “Don’t worry, I told her you were taken and head over heels in love. But the news hasn’t been broken to that girl over there, who’s looking at you like she might cry if you don’t ask her to dance.”

I turn around, spotting the girl, who immediately breaks eye contact. “You’re seeing things.”

He holds his beer to his heart. “Swear to God. You could clean up here if you were single.”

It takes a while for this to sink in, a swirl of surprise that mixes with the alcohol, jumbling my brain a bit. There is no question that I’m committed to Rowan, 100 percent. But my experience before her was minimal at best.

My previous girlfriend, Bailey—the relationship began because I overheard her talking with her friends about not wanting to go to prom alone, and because I had to admit I wanted to go to prom too, I asked her, which led to a few pre-prom dates where we never completely clicked. We turned out to be so awkward that we barely acknowledged each other at school, and I wasn’t surprised when she broke up with me a few days after prom.

Rowan’s reciprocated feelings took me entirely by surprise.

This conversation with Skyler sparks an immediate rush of guilt, even though Rowan and I talked about this. We knew it would be impossible to go through college without finding another human being attractive. I’ve just never been this flattered before, by complete strangers, and I’m half convinced it’s all a joke.

“I don’t get it,” I say to Skyler. “Don’t they realize I was a massive nerd in high school?”

“That’s the thing. No one here knows what you were like in high school, and no one cares. You’re nice, and good-looking, and—don’t take this as an insult—you seem pretty nonthreatening. That’s, like, catnip out in the real world.”

Real world. And yet NYU feels like its own microcosm, not unlike Westview. Even if the city is our campus.

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