Page 83 of Past Present Future

“Neil, that’s just not—”

“No,” I say, interrupting him because I have something important to say. He doesn’t get to control this conversation. “I came here to tell you that I’m done. Please don’t send me any more letters. If you do, I’ll recycle them. I won’t read them.”

His face flashes with frustration. With hurt. “We’re blood,” he says. “It’s not right. Families are supposed to stand by each other.”

“That’s what I thought, too.” I swallow hard, gaining more conviction even as I strain to keep my voice at a level no one can overhear. “And yet my whole childhood, you made me feel like I was never good enough. How I spent my time, how I looked, how I acted. You made it so clear—so clear—that I wasn’t the son you wanted.” A few rapid blinks, wishing away the tears forming behind my eyes. Then I stop myself from trying. Let him see me cry. It’s not a sign of weakness. “I wish you well. I really do. If it’s true that you’re getting help, then I’m very glad to hear that, and I hope you keep going. But I can’t have you in my life anymore.”

I’m breathing hard, as though I’ve just dashed up a flight of stairs. The words feel like they’ve been wrenched from my chest. There it is—everything I wanted to say to him but never could.

He’s just staring at me, slack-jawed. “Well, well, well,” he says. “Look who finally grew a spine.”

As though, after all this time, he’s finally proud of me.

“And don’t you dare try to contact Natalie, either.”

“Come on. She’s only twelve. She was practically a baby when I left.”

When I left.

As though he had complete control over the situation.

Maybe, in a way, he did.

“That’s plenty old enough to decide that she doesn’t want you in her life,” I say calmly. “If she changes her mind at some point, she’ll let you know. That’s up to her—not you.”

His lips purse tight enough to hold back all the fury I grew up with. I can tell he wants to say something else, but I’m not going to let him.

Even if whatever’s going on in my brain is similar to what went on in his, I know for a fact that I will be an entirely different man.

I get to my feet, no longer making eye contact as I gesture to the guard.

Now I’m the one leaving.

ADHIRA

All of this is hurting my heart. Maybe we could do something nice for Neil when we’re back from spring break? What does he like?

SKYLER

uhhhh… grammar? syntax?

SKYLER

we could get him a dictionary

ADHIRA

Would YOU want a dictionary if you and your girlfriend just broke up?

ZOE

Dear god, this is sad. Skyler, please do not ever give someone a gift without significant input from the rest of the group.

STEVE

I don’t really know him, but maybe a gift card to the Olive Garden?

My parents give them out every year to our whole family. And who doesn’t like the Olive Garden?

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