Page 79 of Business or Pleasure

Probably very soon, he’s going to be amazing in bed. With the next woman, and the one after that.

You don’t have to do this alone, sweetheart.

Yes, I think. Yes, I do.

One last look at my face in the mirror, blotting away any evidence that I was having a crisis, and then I can leave.

Finn’s sitting in one of the armchairs, shirt buttons undone, hair unkempt. When he sees me, his expression instantly changes.

“Hey,” he says, nudging my arm. “You okay?”

I nod, unsure why it suddenly feels like I’m about to cry.

“Is it anything you want to talk about?”

“My mind is just elsewhere, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” The concern on his face is almost too much, given what his mouth was doing to me ten minutes ago. “Our relationship is more than these lessons. I thought that should have been obvious by now.”

I want to believe you, I think. Except once this tour is over, once I go back to Seattle and finish up the book, what relationship is left?

I tell him I’m going to sleep early. That way, I don’t have to slide beneath the covers next to him, see his hair feathered across the pillow, hear his soothing, steady breaths as we drift off.

Because then I’d have to think about how desperately I want to wake up in the same bed for real.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY COVER SHOOT

BEHIND-THE-SCENES VIDEO

FINN WALSH: Are they supposed to be—is it okay if they’re—

OFF-CAMERA: Yeah, yeah, just let them run around. We’ll be shooting the whole time.

FINN WALSH, to puppies: Hiiiiii. You’re perfect, aren’t you? Yes you are. Oh! And you’re perfect, too.

OFF-CAMERA: If you could pick up one of the puppies and smile for us—great. That’s great. Keep doing what you’re doing.

FINN WALSH: Hello. Hello. I love you. Ahhhh, you’re chewing on my shoes, but that’s okay. You can chew on anything you want. Because I love you.

OFF-CAMERA: Does anyone have a poop bag?

FINN WALSH: Look how little you are. How did you get to be so little?

Finn tries to hold as many puppies in his arms as possible.

FINN WALSH: Can I take all of them home with me?

chapter

twenty-one

NEW YORK CITY

By the time we get to Big Apple Con in mid-November, the week after we’re stranded in Ohio, the Nocturnals reunion hype is impossible to miss. Nearly every day, Finn’s doing an interview, talking to a producer, or posting promo material on social media. the nocturnals: the reunion, screams a massive billboard in the middle of Times Square, with an old cast photo morphing into one they shot when Finn was in LA last month. He was stopped by no fewer than a half dozen people on our way to the Javits Center, posing good-naturedly for pictures, swearing he can’t tell them any secrets about the reunion and that they’ll just have to watch for themselves. Then he slipped into incognito mode and donned a pair of sunglasses.

Rehearsals start next week in LA, coinciding with Thanksgiving, giving me a chance to fly home to see my family before heading back to LA in early December. Reunion, finishing Finn’s book, and returning to normal life. That’s what the next couple months will look like, and yet despite missing my family—Noemie sent a photo of her cooking dinner with my parents last night—I can’t bring myself to accept that this trip is coming to an end quite yet. That I’m not scheduled at any more cons after this one.

One great thing about New York is that it’s so instantly overwhelming, so cramped and crowded that it’s easy to disappear. I went here once for a journalism conference in college, but I must have barely skimmed the surface of the city because everything seems brand-new. New York means I don’t have to think about Ohio. It means I can put some distance between Finn and me to keep my heart on track.

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