It strikes me that I’m deeply curious to hear what he’d have to say about that.
“The thing is,” he says, voice low. “I’m actually kind of glad you told me the truth.”
I’m too stunned to respond, certain I’ve misheard him.
“I mean, am I completely fucking embarrassed? Did I want to crawl into a hole last night? Yes, absolutely. But the honesty was... I don’t know. Refreshing.”
Huh.
That was not at all what I expected.
“We really can forget about it,” I say, still unsure how to navigate this. “Like we said, it was just a onetime thing between semi-coworkers, and I didn’t want to upset you—”
“I’m not upset,” he says calmly. He lets out a long sigh. “After I got back to my room, I did something I’m not proud of. I... called one of my exes.”
“I don’t need to hear the graphic details of your booty call.”
His eyes grow wide. “I called her to talk,” he says, sounding horrified. “We’re still close—we talk all the time. So I swallowed down whatever meager amount of pride I had left and asked her about it. What it had been like, when we were together. And Hallie”—he breaks off with a cough—“hadn’t ever been one hundred percent happy in that department, either.”
I’m speechless. He called his ex-girlfriend, Hallie Hendricks, who played his love interest on The Nocturnals, to ask if she was satisfied in bed.
And she told him no.
“That’s—that’s just two people,” I manage, unsure why he’s sharing this with me. We’ve crossed yet another boundary. “And she’s an actor, in all fairness. She probably made it sound, um, more realistic than most.”
“I may have texted a couple others, too.” He rubs at the back of his neck, sheepish. “There also may have been alcohol involved. Not my finest hour, I’m sorry to say. And, well, it only got worse.” He moves his eyes from the sidewalk up to me, that blush back on his cheeks. “The consensus seems to be that no matter who my partner is, I’ve never been able to make it... mind-blowing.” It must be intentional, the way he borrows the word from yesterday. Then he lets out a hollow, disbelieving laugh. “Christ, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud.”
I would have assumed men would get aggro about this kind of blow to their ego, but Finn seems more perplexed than anything else.
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” I say firmly. “Or put it in the book.”
This only makes him laugh more, which turns into a groan. “I can see it now. How to Make Your Girlfriend Howl with Laughter... In Bed.”
“Instant bestseller.”
More groaning, and it’s easier for me to laugh this time—not at him, but at the absurdity of the whole situation.
“I’m sorry,” he says, swiping a hand over his face, collecting himself. “I didn’t want to drag you back into this. I’m just—I really am grateful. That you were honest with me. Is that bizarre?”
“You’re welcome?” I match his questioning tone. “It’s not something most people are instantly good at. It takes practice. And every time you have a new partner, you have to learn a whole new set of... well, everything.”
“Right.” He goes quiet for a moment, watching a boat in the water. “I might regret this... but do you think you could give me some specifics?” Then he grimaces, as though immediately regretting the question. “Only if you’re comfortable with it.”
I consider this. I suppose we’re already in this deep, and if it helps the next girl he’s with...
“Well...” I start, wondering how detailed I should get. “You already know I didn’t—finish. The whole thing felt a bit rushed, I guess? Then there was the puddle of lube I was lying in for most of it. And the dirty talk could have used some work.” Finn’s grimace deepens. “Aside from that, I don’t think either of us was paying attention to what the other liked.”
“You were,” he says softly, placing an emphasis on you. “I could tell.”
My face warms as I remember the way his eyelids dropped shut when I wrapped my hand around him. Please, he’d said.
“Hallie said something similar,” he continues, yanking me back to reality as he pulls his phone from his jeans pocket. “Actually, I believe her exact words were, ‘Sometimes it seemed like you were trying to find something you lost in my vagina. All search and no rescue.’ And then—well, this one’s kind of funny. Another ex replied with a mouth zipped emoji. Followed by the emoji of the monkey covering its face.”
“So what you’re saying is that I had you on a good night.”
He holds his arms wide, stopping short of flinging his phone into the Willamette. “I don’t know! I have no idea what I’m doing!”
A guy biking past us holds up a fist. “None of us do, bro,” he says, and Finn gives him a halfhearted fist pump in response.