Page 11 of Business or Pleasure

Rhythmically, it sounds like some porno version of “Whoomp! (There It Is),” which is if not the least sexy song in the world, at least in the top five.

“Oh my fucking god,” I say out loud, because I can’t contain it anymore.

Except he interprets it as a cry of ecstasy and only starts pumping harder. “Almost there,” he says. “We can do this. Can you get there, baby?”

Baby. As though he’s so lost in the moment, I could be absolutely anyone to him.

In that split second before he tumbles over the edge, I decide I have to fake it. Subtly, of course. A few shaky breaths, a clench of my teeth, and a moan before he collapses on top of me with a harsh, guttural sound.

He rolls to the side, chest heaving, face flushed. “That... was incredible,” he slurs out.

I just blink up at the ceiling, too stunned to process how this sweet guy turned out to be such a disaster in bed.

After a few moments, he turns to me, placing a hand on my hip. All of a sudden, I feel too exposed. I draw the sheets up over my breasts, but what I’d really love is to bury myself under the whole bed. Maybe dig a grave in front of the hotel. died in pursuit of an impossible orgasm, they’ll write on my tombstone. May her memory be a blessing.

“Was it good for you?” he asks.

“Mmm,” I say, wondering how obvious it would be if I checked the time on my phone, which is somewhere in the no-man’s-land between the bed and the door. It’s got to be past two a.m. by now.

I let my eyes fall shut, turning my body to his and letting out a sigh of contentment. And as a result, feel a bit like an asshole. If we were really together, I’d be honest with him. But in a few hours, I’m never going to see him again, a fact that now feels like the most beautiful flash of relief. I barely know anything about him—maybe he’s a flat-earther or doesn’t believe in vaccines—and I don’t have to.

Maybe this is a sign from the universe. One-night stands: clearly not a Chandler Cohen kind of thing.

Relationship Girl, Wyatt’s voice taunts.

“I don’t have to be at the conference until tomorrow afternoon. Maybe we could sleep in? Order room service?” His mouth kicks upward as his hand dances along my hip. “Do this again?”

I’m too exhausted to come up with an excuse. “Definitely.”

Drew yawns into his shoulder. “I’m really glad you sat down at that bar.” It’s the last thing he says to me before he drifts off, chest rising and falling with his steady breaths.

I can’t stay here. If we wake up in the morning and he asks how “she” slept, I’m going to lose it. This was a bad idea, terrible idea, and the only hope I have for self-preservation is if I make a run for it.

Now.

As delicately as I can, I peel back the sheets and swing my legs out of bed, grimacing at the pain that shoots up my calf. We were messy, and my clothes are scattered across the floor. I tiptoe around the room before finding my phone beneath my T-shirt, using the light from the screen to collect the rest of my clothes.

It’s okay, I tell myself as I shove on my pants. I’m going to laugh about this tomorrow. Probably.

Finally, I make it to the door, opening it up and shutting it with the quietest click, locking my bad decisions inside.

AFTER 4 SEASONS, IT’S LIGHTS OUT FOR ‘THE NOCTURNALS’

BY TASHA KIM, THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

LOS ANGELES—In announcing its fall schedule yesterday, TBA Studios shocked many of its dedicated fans: The Nocturnals, a soapy drama following college-aged werewolf Caleb Rhodes and a ragtag group of friends navigating life, love, and the supernatural, has not been renewed for a fifth season.

Fans immediately took to Twitter, and a petition to revive the series amassed more than ten thousand signatures overnight. The show, which pulled in meager but consistent ratings for TBA, has gained quite a cult following since its 2008 premiere. Parties fans have dubbed all-nighters are common for season premieres and finales, and its stars are a staple at fan conventions nationwide.

“It’s not going to be easy to say goodbye to these characters,” said creator Zach Brayer, who admitted he was still reeling from the news. “But we’re so grateful to the fans who’ve stuck with us for this long. That’s the most any showrunner can ask for.”

The Nocturnals stood out on a slate of shows marketed toward teens, largely because the main characters begin episode one already in college.

“College has killed so many shows,” said Marion Welsh, head of series programming at TBA. “As soon as you split up the characters you’ve gotten to know throughout high school, the show loses some of what hooked you in the first place. That was what we loved about The Nocturnals—that they were doing something different.”

Brayer says they prepared themselves for the possibility of cancellation, and that when the season 4 finale—now the series finale—airs in two weeks, he hopes it’ll be satisfying for viewers. “We were able to end it the way we wanted to, with these characters graduating and heading out into the world, one they now know is full of danger and mystery but also love and hope. And that was really the crux of the show: that hope would always conquer all.”

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