Page 77 of Home Ice

I hold my hands up, palms out. "Don't get that look. It's not what you think."

"What I think, is someone told me not to buy anything for his family." She's snarling, and fuck if I don't love the way she snarls. "His exact words were, 'oh we don't do that, so it would be awkward if you brought anything.' But here I am feeling extremely awkward. Thanks for that Brant."

"My brother is a jackass who deserves to feel like shit about a lot of things, but I do have to defend him on this," Barrie says. "We really don't do gifts. Mom, maybe you should have phrased that a little better?" She calls out to Mom who disappeared into the pantry.

When she comes out, I smile. "What was that, dear? I didn't hear you. Anyway, Lily and Chloe, these are for you." She's holding up two of the ugliest sweaters I have ever seen. It's perfect.

"Oh, that's lovely." Lily stammers. "They both are. And they're in the colors of the Salt Lake City Sting. That's… wonderful. Do you, uh, want us to wear these now, or are they for back home?" She looks desperate for someone to help her out and say how truly ugly these things are, but none of us says a word. That would be letting her off too easy.

"Even better," Mom says, "they have the mascot on them." She points to the knotted mess of yellow and black yarn that is supposed to be the bee we wear on our home jerseys. I guess I can see it, when I know what to look for.

Lily taps Chloe's arm. "Look, it is the mascot. I can't believe I didn't recognize that at first. So lifelike, right?"

"Can I have the one where the bee is wearing the Santa hat?" Chloe asks, completely unfazed by just how hideous these sweaters are.

Mom hands it to her. "Absolutely, my dear. And that means you get to wear this one. Well, don't just stand there, girls. Put them on and let's see what they look like."

Lily holds her sweater out in front of her to get a better look. "I love it, Mrs. Morrison. Thank you. I can't wait to put it on. Chloe? Say thank you for these… truly spectacular sweaters."

"Thank you. We can wear these to the senior center, right?"

"Of course," Mom answers.

"Sweet."

"Wait." I stop them before they go to the living room to change. "You'll want these underneath. Sometimes Mom's special sweaters can get a little itchy."

Lily narrows her eyes as I hand her a black shirt like the rest of us are wearing. "You just happened to have these? You knew about this," she accuses.

I raise my shoulders. "Or I was a Scout. Always prepared."

She squints even more. "You were never a Scout."

"Maybe I should have been."

"Yeah." She drags the word out and gives me a look that tells me I'm not getting off the hook for this for a while.

Once she and Chloe go around the corner to change, I turn to the rest of my family. They're all smiling, even Barrie. I put my finger over my lips to keep them quiet as we go to the pantry for our own sweaters. It's not long after we have ours on that Lily and Chloe come back into the kitchen. They stop as soon as they see us.

"I may have forgotten to mention that we would all be wearing matching sweaters. Oops." Mom smiles. The two girls look around the room. Each of us is wearing black and yellow sweaters, and we all have some form of the bee mascot on our chests.

"And Mom didn't make these." I add. "There's a client at the senior center whose claim to fame is knitting the ugliest sweaters possible. She literally has half a million followers on Instagram. We have her make us a new ugly Sting sweater every time someone new comes into the family."

"The last time we gave out a new one was to the person who I won't name. She refused to wear it. I'm surprised the bitch didn't burn it right there in the living room."

"Barrie!" Mom scolds her.

"She threw it away at the airport," I say. "She refused to even board the plane with it in her bag."

"Bitch," Barrie mutters under her breath. I'm sure Mom can hear her, but she doesn't say anything.

Lily looks around the room. "So it's okay to not like this?"

"Oh yeah," Dad says. "We would think there's something wrong with you if you did like them."

Lily and I look at Chloe. "What?" she asks. "I just liked it ironically."

"Mm-hmm," Lily and I respond at the same time.

---