Page 76 of Home Ice

"No, I'm asking if you have a hidden talent as a woodworker."

Maybe it's jet lag, but I'm pretty sure that's the same question she just asked. "No. Just Dad. I wouldn't know the difference between a table saw and a… some other kind of saw that isn't on a table."

"Oh my god!" She tosses her hands up. "I was trying to set you up, but it's like you're the globe and that joke is Ferdinand Magellan. It just sailed right over you."

I stare at her for a minute before I get what she's talking about. "Sorry. But if I remember my high school history, Magellan and his crew were pretty evil. Maybe it's good he sailed right over me."

"You're lucky I'm shallow and only love you for your looks." She gives me a proper kiss that makes me wish we weren't in the middle of my parents' house about to head to the senior center. Maybe they could go without us this year while we stay behind. "Oh no!" Lily gasps and pulls away so hard she collides with the wall on the opposite side of the hall. Her face is as red as mine after a practice full of shuttle runs.

"What? Did you realize that I am pretty smart, after all?" Instead of laughing, she breathes so fast, I worry she's going to pass out. "What is it? What happened?" I rest my hands on her shoulders, hoping the contact will calm her and let her know that whatever this is, it's fine.

"I didn't mean that. I mean, I did mean it, but I didn't mean to say it. And oh no, you're going to leave now, aren't you? Let's pretend I didn't say it, okay? Please Brant? Just pretend I didn't. Can you please do that?"

Her breaths are somehow even faster, and I feel her heartbeat racing under my palms. Whatever happened, I need to calm her down. "Lily?" I kiss the tip of her nose. "Lily?" I ask again, more insistently, and I kiss her again. Doing the same for each breath she takes. "I'm right here. You're safe. You don't have to talk. Just know that I'm here." But then it smacks me. Apparently, jokes aren't the only thing going over my head today.

I didn't even realize what she'd said because I've gotten so used to thinking the word. I love her, and I know she feels the same. It's such a given that I don't need to hear it. Such a given that I don't think it's unusual when she finally says it for the first time.

"Lily, look at me." Her dark eyes are pinched closed, but she opens them slowly, like she's afraid of what might be on the other side of her eyelids. Even in the middle of a freakout, it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. "I love you too. You know that. You can say the word. I'm not going anywhere."

She shakes her head so hard her loose hair flies from side to side. "I lose everyone I love."

"Not me. Not Em."

"Not yet."

I put my hands on her sides of her face to hold her still and force her to look at me. I need her to look me in the eye right now. "Not ever. You're never losing me." I emphasize each word as I say them slowly, hoping she'll believe them. "I'm not like Tyler. I'm not like any of those fuckers in your life who didn't really care about you. I'm here as long as you want me to be. Promise."

"My dad promised he'd always be here too." She sounds as broken as the day I found her at home on his birthday.

"How do you know he's not? I didn't get to meet him, but I know if there's any way at all, he's still right here. And that means he just heard you say that you love me." I lean in so my lips are at her ear. "And that means I need to be really quiet when I tell you the things I want to do to you when we get back home. I do not want your dad to overhear those."

Someone clears their throat behind me. "Your sister doesn't want to hear those either, so kindly keep them to yourself."

"Maybe my sister should kindly not sneak up on people." I turn and glare at her. This trip is my chance to get things back to the way they used to be between us, and I know I should be the bigger person. But it's so difficult when all the hurt she caused just comes right back up when I hear her voice. Even if she was completely right about everything.

"Whatever. Mom sent me to get Lily and Chloe. She didn't say anything about you, so you're not my concern." She turns away, disappearing through the entrance to the kitchen.

Barrie was never like this growing up. Was I really that awful to her?

I face Lily again. "Sorry about her. Do you need more time? Do you even feel like going now?"

"Honestly, I think I need a distraction, so yeah."

I nod. "I'll go get Chloe. She's probably still trying to decide which lipstick to wear."

"Earrings," Lily says. "When I last looked, she was deciding between earrings." I start up the stairs, but Lily reaches for my hand and doesn't let me leave. "I meant that, by the way. Don’t think I didn't. Even if I don't want to say it again just yet."

"I know. It was so fucking great to hear those words, but it felt just as great to say them. And you need to hear them over and over. So I'm going to say it so often you'll be sick of hearing it."

She laughs. "I doubt that ever happens."

"Challenge accepted." I pull her hand to my lips, and as I kiss it, I realize I'm now the kind of guy who has a favorite knuckle. The knuckle of her left middle finger fits perfectly between my lips. I give it the tiniest nibble as I finish kissing it. When she lets go of my hand, I jog up the steps to find Chloe.

Upstairs, I have to convince Chloe that her hair is fine, that the reindeer earrings are cute but not too childish, and that her eyeliner is eyelinery enough, or something. When she starts rambling about cats and eyes with wings, though, I'm lost. So I just agree with everything she says after that. But finally, I get her to come downstairs with me. When I do, Lily is already in the kitchen with Mom, Dad, and Barrie.

"Before we go," Mom announces, "we do have some gifts to exchange."

Lily's eyes fly to me, and she looks like she would kill me if there weren't four witnesses. I've spent the last two weeks convincing her that she doesn't need to buy gifts for my family. Once I was drafted, we stopped buying them. Growing up, there were some years when we really struggled. Those were the years when Christmas gifts meant the most to all of us, the givers and the receivers. But we're all financially secure now, and Barrie and I are flat-out rich. Christmas now is about being together and celebrating the people we love, not buying things for each other.

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