Page 92 of Crave Me

He shifted, angling his back to me, then lifted up his shirt.

I choked at the horrific scars etched into his skin, marring so much of it.

When he turned back, he lifted up the front, revealing many more too.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t show you for your sympathy. I showed you to help you to understand. What was done to us is on them and only them. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn’t anything I’d done that had brought it on, that had caused my tormentor to abuse me in such a brutal fashion. We shouldn’t bear shame for what was inflicted upon us. They should. And only them.”

“I hear you. I just… I should’ve been stronger.”

“It’s not always about strength. It’s circumstances,” he said, fixing his shirt back into place. “Now, there’s also the matter of your father. Him being back here must be a doubled-edged sword for you. Of course you’re relieved and elated to have him back here with you, given what a strong and positive relationship you’ve always had with him, however, there’s also that trigger of guilt tainting your reunion too. The last time you saw him you were both awash in your grief over losing your mother to the actions of Jett Bane. You feel responsible for what happened, what Jett did to you and your family. You think you bear blame for it breaking your father and leading him down his current dangerous and destructive path.”

I pulled my hands from his and shoved them through my hair. “You’re way too perceptive.”

He smiled briefly, but kept his focus on the topic at hand, telling me, “Your father’s actions are on him. Not you. We each make our own choices. You can only control what you do, how you respond to situations and to others. And that’s the only thing you can take responsibility for—you.”

“I know. Logically, I know that.”

“It will take some time to believe it from an emotional standpoint, but keep at it. You need to. Guilt and shame can twist far too much.”

“I will.”

“Very good.” He took my hands again. “Now we can begin.”

I shifted my weight and settled in. “I’m ready.”

“You hold a lot of power, but power can corrupt, especially when it’s tainted by negative emotions and circumstances. If you allow that in, it controls you rather than you controlling it, and you’re right back where you started—feeling powerless. And being a danger rather than an asset. So you need a tether during extreme and volatile situations.”

“Bastian, Caleb, and Caspian.”

“Although it’s a nice sentiment, your tether can’t be other people. It’s not a stable foundation. Should anything befall them, like it actually has here, it will poison that tether. It has to be a notion, an ideal, even a symbol.”

I thought for a moment and looked out to see him watching me intently.

“Freedom and… belonging.”

Something sparked in his eyes, indicating it was the answer he’d been hoping I’d get to. “Go on,” he encouraged.

“I was a loner, never belonging anywhere until I found the guys. And with that came the exhilarating sensation of freedom to be who I really am without any need to censor myself. And once this is all over, I can sink into that, be at peace.”

“Excellent.”

I smiled, relief filling me, and I sank into, closing my eyes as Asher worked to help me to put that tether in place.

With what was coming, with what was at stake, and all the poisonous elements in play, I needed it more than ever.

The guys needed it from me.

We’d vanquish our enemies in the way we needed to face everything.

Together.

20

~Caleb~

Almost there.

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