Page 9 of If Only You Hurt

“Okay…” I answer, sort of concerned where this conversation is headed.

“Well, I need a prom date too. So I’d like you to be mine. I think mine is early May. When is yours?”

“The weekend before Memorial Day. And yes, I would love to be your date to prom. But what if you have a girlfriend by the time it rolls around?” I know Grant dates girls, and I doubt any of them would like him attending prom with his best friend, who happens to be a girl.

His past girlfriends always found it hard when he would talk to me on the phone. I even heard him, when he thought he put himself on mute, tell his past girlfriend that if she couldn’t handle our friendship, the relationship between them was over. He has always put us first, and I’m selfish enough not to argue that. I feel the same way.

“Bean, no matter what, I would much rather take you to prom. I’ll tell you what. If I have a girlfriend at that time, I’ll tell her that we had this prom thing set up already, and I can’t back out. That way, she already knows. Does that sound good?” He takes a quick glance my way before bringing his gaze forward to the road ahead.

“Yeah, Grant, that sounds good. I’ll do the same if I have a boyfriend.” I see him clench the steering wheel a bit tighter when I say that last part, but he quickly recovers. “Thanks for being the best of the best.”

He rewards me by putting his massive hand on my thigh and squeezing it, then returning both hands to the steering wheel. If he only knew that his little gesture shoots what feels like a bolt of lightning to that area right between my legs.

Damn teenage hormones are messing with my head. I feel like I can’t think straight this summer with Grant around me. I’m constantly going to bed with my mind wandering to the what-ifs between us.

"You still seem a bit nervous, Laney. Are you okay? Was that all you wanted to ask me?" he asks as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead.

“Um, yeah, I actually have one more question.” This is the part that has been making me the most nervous, but somehow, the words fly out of my mouth. “You know I’m still a virgin.” The car swerves a bit.

“Jesus, Laney. Maybe warn a guy before you start on this line of discussion.” I can see Grant gripping the steering wheel tighter, the whites of his knuckles completely evident now.

“Sorry. I just have no clue how to broach the subject with you, and I need to.” I need to rip this band-aid off! “Are you okay if I continue speaking, or should you pull over?” Grant motions to continue by waving his hand in a way to say out with it.

“As I was saying, I’m still a virgin. And now that you’re my prom date, I sort of wanted to lose my virginity that night. And even though I’ve dated and done stuff with guys, I don’t want that whole experience to be tainted with someone I don’t really love. Does that make sense?”

I can see the tension in Grant’s features, but he nods nonetheless. He seems to be absorbing my words, and I can see he’s having a hard time responding. Maybe I took it too far. Maybe I just ruined everything.

“So you want me to take your virginity?” He sounds like it’s taking everything in him to keep his voice controlled while we venture into this topic of conversation.

“Well, yeah, I do. I mean, I tried with Freddie when we were dating, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t love him, and I think I owe it to myself to love the person I do that with, don’t you think?” I’m playing with the ring on my right middle finger, a gift from Grant when I turned seventeen a few months back. It has a pink stone, and he said the moment he saw it, it reminded him of my favorite pink peonies, and he had to get it for me.

“You mean the douchesicle? Yeah, I’m glad you didn’t love him. He was an ass, Laney. I don’t know what you saw in him.” Grant always has something to say about the guys I date. He and my dad have a field day making fun of my previous boyfriends. No one passes the James/Stanley test, apparently.

“Okay, so he wasn’t my wisest decision. But that’s even more reason for you to hear me out on my request. I mean, imagine if I lost my virginity to him?” I see him grip the steering wheel again, this time the whites of his knuckles definitely cutting off too much of his blood supply to his fingertips.

“No thanks, Laney. I do not want to imagine that because then I’d have to go kick his ass. Such a dipshit, that one.” I roll my eyes. He’s so protective. I mean, I can easily say I’m head over heels in love with Grant, but I know what he feels for me is protective as a best friend and only that.

“So, what do you say? Can I punch my V-Card with you, Grantie?” I use his nickname, which he doesn’t seem to love the older we get, but it seems to soften him enough when I really want him to cave.

“Okay, fine, Laney. Just so you know, it will be both of us punching that card.” This causes my eyes to bug out.

“What? You’re still a virgin? I thought you and Darla may have done the deed after your spring formal.” He was dating this very high-maintenance girl named Darla until the start of summer. I was certain he had slept with her, but I guess not.

“No. Um…” He pulls his fingers through his hair, looking slightly uncomfortable. “We just weren’t the right fit.”

He can say that again. She was super high-strung, and Grant is nothing if not the most laid-back guy I know. They definitely didn’t fit together, but I also can’t act like a jealous girlfriend when I’m the furthest thing from that role in our dynamic.

Grant continues, “What if you have a boyfriend and want to have sex? I mean, it might make things weird. Going to prom isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but having sex with your date might not work so well.” He looks over at me, and I can see so many questions swirling around that brain of his. Grant is an over-thinker, much like his sister. They both have multiple scenarios going through their minds at all times. He might be laid back, but everything Grant does has a purpose and is thought out as much as possible in order to make sure it’s the best decision.

“Well, if either of us has a serious relationship by the time May rolls around, you and I will have to talk about it. Does that work?” He nods at my solution, but I can tell he’s still on the fence about how this will play out.

I think right now, we can only plan for what we have going on. We’ll tackle whatever comes when we have to. I am living in a small town, and I know everyone, so I doubt I’ll have many prospects for dating until prom rolls around.

“Okay, well then, I guess we’re doing this.” Grant sounds less than enthused about having sex with me. I hope he’s just nervous, and he’s not thinking I’m a terrible candidate.

The next morning, my heart feels like it’s going to plummet to the ground. I hate saying goodbye to Grant. I already miss him, and he’s still standing next to me at the departure gate at the airport. Luckily, my parents didn’t need to drive us this year, so I get to say my goodbyes and wallow in self-pity all the way home. It’s a bit of a drive, and I’m looking forward to listening to sad songs and sitting in my little pity party of one that entire time.

“Hey. It’s going to be okay. Time will pass super quickly. Plus, we can call and video chat when we need a dose of one another.” He tries to make me feel better, but I’m still sulking.

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