Page 65 of If Only You Hurt

As long as I was okay with it, she wanted to have a part in the baby’s arrival into this world. She sat by me during the entirety of my forty-hour labor. It started at home, and she worked with me in the early stages to ensure Grant got enough rest, knowing this would likely take some time.

Now here we are, our family a little bigger and a little more fulfilled.

“I’m so proud of you, Laney. You were a champion pusher.” She winks at me while delivering my placenta.

The room moves about while I stare at the baby, in awe of this creature I get to call mine. I’m speechless at the miracle in my arms and the fact that my life is coming into its own from the ashes of my past.

Once I’m cleaned up, and the largest ice pack and diaper arrangement is put on me in the ugliest hospital version of Victoria’s Secret underwear known to man, I bask in this post-delivery glow. Grant can’t stop talking to our baby, touching the fingers and toes, letting the little hand wrap around his one index finger.

Time passes too quickly, and it’s time to let Grant have a turn with our little bean. He’s quick to remove his shirt to start skin-to-skin. Becca has been in and out of the room, making sure we know the family has gotten updates about how I’m doing. She promised not to tell anyone if we had a boy or a girl, an announcement we wanted everyone to hear from us. Becca is doing us a favor and allowing everyone in the waiting room to come back quickly for us to do the big reveal.

The moment the baby’s placed on his chest, I see his smile grow larger, which I didn’t think was possible. “I never knew I could feel this complete in my life, Laney. Perfection.”

He kisses the top of the baby’s head, and I notice him take a big whiff of that sweet baby smell. It’s intoxicating, and I’ve only been a mother for the span of an hour.

But it’s what Grant says to our baby that makes me fall in love with him all over again.

“I think all my steps in life have led to this moment. In reality, they’ve led to you, my little bean.”

Moving through the park, the warm breeze along my skin, I can’t help the smile that overcomes my face. I look over to see my daughter’s head resting comfortably on my husband’s chest as he holds her in the baby carrier. Sleep has taken over her sweet little body after soaking in the sights and sounds of the city. This must be what bliss feels like because it’s something I haven’t felt in far too long.

My fingers rub against the solid ring he wears on his left hand. I look down and remember that day as one of my absolute favorites.

A few months back, Grant took me to ice cream on the first day of spring. It was completely unplanned, and I kept complaining that the weather wasn’t quite screaming ice cream. He insisted, and I let him drag me and my growing belly to the nearest ice cream shop. Of course, it was empty, but he insisted. I was choosing my flavors because I am the most indecisive person when it comes to ice cream, and when I turned back to see what he wanted, he was down on one knee.

He told me that he could still remember us as kids ordering ice cream on a hot summer day in Nebraska. He said despite all the years that have passed, watching me think hard over a flavor just to choose vanilla bean is still something he holds close to his heart. He told me that life started the moment we met, and he has never looked back.

Of course, not only was he romantic and saying all the things to make my heart melt, but I was a hormonal mess in my pregnancy at that time, and I screamed yes as fast as the words would spill out. A few short weeks later we were exchanging vows in my sister's backyard. We had an intimate ceremony with our family.

I kept it simple because everything leading up to that moment had been anything but. The love this man has always shown me has carried me during my hardest times, even if I didn’t really give much notice to it at the time. He stabilizes me, keeps both my feet on the ground, and reminds me that even on our darkest days, we will always find a way to see the light.

“What are you thinking of?” He pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look over to find that smile of his, dimples and all.

“Just thinking of the day you asked me to be yours.” I return the smile, and everything around us fades, much like it always does when I’m surrounded by his love.

“Oh really, Mrs. Stanley. You thinking of when I asked or what I did to you after?” I feel the warmth of my cheeks deepen with the thoughts of the things he did to my body later that day when we celebrated.

I bite my lip and can’t hide how just the notion of him touching me is setting everything on fire for me.

That reminds me. I pull out my phone and check my calendar app. I cannot believe I waited all this time to count out the weeks. Our girl is six weeks old today.

“Everything okay?” I can hear the concern etched in his tone.

“Everything is perfect. Let’s get home and get a proper nap for our girl.”

Right then, Cassandra stirs, her arms that were limp by her side come up, her little fists balled up and rubbing her face. She slowly opens one eye, then the next, her bright aqua gaze finding mine. They say babies take time to show their true eye color, but I find it hard to believe hers will change too much from this shade of blue-green she shares with her father.

She came out looking like a replica of Grant’s, and each day that passes, I see more of him in her. Her dark hair has a reddish hue in the light, so she’s got a little of her mama mixed in there, but the fact that we made this precious baby together, with love we didn’t even know was possible between two people, is something that still captivates me each time I look at her.

The moment we get to our apartment, it’s full-on baby care mode. Of course, on the ride up the elevator, Cassie has an explosive diaper, so Grant is running her to the shower, now needing one himself, while I get myself ready to sit in her rocker to feed her before putting her back down. She didn’t get a full nap while we were out, so I’m hoping I can get her back in the bassinet for a bit of a longer rest.

We’ll be headed to my sister’s house today after she and Wyatt get some weekend activities done with the kids. School just started, so they’re back to their hectic routine. Wyatt and Tessa moved in with them this past spring, shortly after Grant’s proposal, and it seems the adjustment is going smoothly. The moment I left the brownstone, it felt weird but right for everyone.

Grant and I found a small space not too far away. Grant insisted we focus on a safe neighborhood, although housing prices are through the roof. After years of working but not settling, he had enough saved, and we were able to find a place that worked for both of us. Once I get clearance, I will return to the yoga studio and teach classes.

This has been a constant argument between Grant and me. Although he supports my need to return to work, he is still having a hard time after everything with Tad. We just got word that Tad will spend the next year in prison for what he did to me. Due to good behavior, he will most likely not spend as much time behind bars, but the fact that he held me against my will, physically assaulted me by grabbing my arm forcefully, and because I was pregnant, all leaned in our favor for him to serve some time.

It turns out Tad had fallen in love with a woman that he experienced the tragedy at his school with years ago. When those feelings weren’t reciprocated, it pulled Tad further into a depression he was fighting. Once Tad and I crossed paths, he believed fate had been at play and became obsessed with me and my past. His mental health kept deteriorating with time and he spiraled until it all came crashing down that day at the studio.

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