Page 58 of If Only You Hurt

“Okay. Sounds good. I have about another ten minutes here, and I may wash up and then head out. I have a date tonight, so I have to get ready.” She winks at me, and I smile back. Serena is newer here, but in the short time she’s worked with us, I’ve really grown to enjoy her company. She’s always telling me about her weird dates with guys from whatever the latest dating app is the new craze. I bet she and Olive could exchange some strange stories. Last I heard, Liv had given up on men because the last few dates were that bad.

I wave goodbye to Serena, wishing her luck on her date, and head back into the studio. The moment I start the music, I feel my body instantly relax, and my mind is completely set on the task in front of me. Ensuring my students get the most out of this hour of practice is my biggest wish.

“Laney, that was just what I needed.” I’m at the front desk, ensuring all who were in my class are accounted for on my roster. The timing of this session makes it very difficult to get a full class, but I had a good number of students in both. Tad, along with two others, stayed for the entire two hours, which I’ve had happen when some students need to get a longer break.

I’m focused on the screen in front of me until the last student walks out the door. I lock the front door before I head back to the room, ready to clean up. I notice all the mats have been pulled and placed back, so I go ahead and grab some towels to begin cleaning up. As I enter the room again, the door closes behind me.

I jump, startled to find a student left behind when I thought it was just me in the studio. My heart is already racing when I notice Tad standing in my way, making it impossible for me to pass.

“You scared me, Tad. I thought everyone had left.” I bring my hand to my chest, hoping to calm the racing beat beneath my palm.

“Yeah, that’s the thing. I’m nearly always dismissed by those around me.” He stands there, that quiet student I was so used to now replaced by someone completely different.

His posture is contradictory to the shy person I’ve grown accustomed to. His features are stone cold as his eyes narrow, taking me in. This isn’t the Tad I have gotten to know since he started frequenting the studio.

“What do you mean?” I feel completely lost by his comment. I’m used to him being shy, maybe a little uncomfortable in crowds when we'd have packed classes. I never felt drawn to him, but I will say that his aversion to crowded places was the one thing I thought we had in common. Although I tried to show myself as confident when I was in class, I was never fully comfortable if we had a class that was so packed, students were mat to mat.

“Tsk, tsk, Laney. Come on. Let’s be honest. You never saw me. You just saw some weak guy that came to your classes.” He’s still standing at the door, blocking my exit, and I feel the panic set in because I know that whatever he’s trying to accomplish here isn’t a situation I want to be stuck in.

He continues, “You never saw me each time I watched you from afar. At that club, grinding yourself against him. Or outside of the hospital. Or at the damn theater!” Realization dawns on me that he’s been following me outside of the studio and I can’t help the unease that rolls through me.

“Listen, Tad. You’ve always been super kind. That’s what I saw each time I had you in my classes.” I’m trying to keep my voice calm and even, but I can sense the unease in my words.

“Don’t placate me, Laney. You think I’m stupid too?” He yells the last part at me. I can tell my kindness is being taken as a form of offense to him, and it’s not making the situation better. It’s only feeding this anger he has within him.

“Tad. I’m so confused. Please tell me what’s going on. Is this because I didn’t agree to go out on a date with you?” The moment I say it, I regret it. The look on his face proves that my question was a step in the wrong direction.

A creepy chuckle escapes his mouth, and it causes the hairs on my arm to stand. “You think that your rejection is what’s upsetting me right now? No, your inability to see what’s best for you is what is infuriating me right now. You think I don’t know the kind of guy Grant is for you? And now you’re having his baby.” He’s shaking his head in disgust, and I’m feeling even more clueless now than I did when he first trapped me in here.

“Seriously, Tad. What is it? Did I do or say something to hurt your feelings?” He starts to laugh harder now, and it only pulls me further into a pit of fear. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in.

“Laney, listen. You are someone I saw a future with. I saw something special in you, but now I see you’re no different than the rest of them. You just brushed me aside like the rest always have. I mean, look, we lived through the same experiences, like our lives are parallels of each other, and you still don’t see how special we could have had it.”

Now I’m getting mad. He keeps talking around whatever fucked up notion he has conjured up, and I really need to understand what it is that he’s referring to. Parallel lives? What the hell is he talking about?

The thing is, Tad is bigger than me. He isn’t as tall as Grant by any means, but he’s stalkier. Add to the fact that I’m pregnant, I will not jeopardize my baby by physically struggling with him so I can get free. I have to be smart about my next move.

My phone is too far from me to call for help. It’s still connected to the audio system in this room and in airplane mode. My one hope on that front is that someone will find that my absence at home is worrisome and come looking for me at some point.

I have something bigger than myself to live for, and I will not live a life of fear when it comes to this man in front of me. I have faced the ugliest of demons, and I will not cower anymore. That’s what my therapist always told me. No matter how much I might run from the darkness, it always finds a way back in when we least expect it.

For years, I had prepared for the nightmares. For so long, I expected to be swept down into the depths of depression. But never in all my time did I expect myself to be trapped with some crazy person that keeps talking in code, never getting to the damn point.

I pinch the area between my eyes, the headache already starting because my anxiety is through the roof. “Tad, I’m begging you. Please tell me what you’re referring to. Nothing you’re saying makes sense.”

“Of course, it doesn’t make sense. I’m the only one who was seeing what we could have been with clear eyes. You’ve been ignoring this thing between us, and now here we are, you carrying another man’s baby.” He begins to pace in front of the door. I can’t run out without him grabbing me. “You've ruined everything!” he yells, and throws his arms up toward the ceiling.

His tone is escalating, and I am still frozen in the spot I was when he first got my attention. With his rising anger, I feel the first tear fall down my left cheek. I keep my eyes on him, hoping that if I remain quiet, he’ll continue to explain his behavior, maybe moving a bit to his right and giving me an opportunity to leave this room.

“Laney, you and I are meant for one another. I thought that’s what I had with Nori, but with you, it’s stronger. Nori didn’t know any better. She leaned on me when she needed to use me, and then she left me behind. She and I lived through the worst day together but then she used me to feel better. Then she tossed me aside. But you and I? We are meant to be together. We both lived through the unthinkable, and we’re here, crossing paths. It’s meant to be.”

The moment he says we’ve lived through the unthinkable, I feel like I’m going to be sick. Was he there?

“Were you at my school that day, Tad?” I whisper. It’s hard for me to bring up the shooting, and my voice always gets lost beneath the trauma I have left within me from that day.

“No, Laney. I wasn’t there with you. But two years later, I lived the same day you did, except this time, I was left behind, never finding my way back into this life. That is until I found you. You and I belong together. I know our paths didn’t just cross out of coincidence. We lived through a horribly similar event, and I’m just supposed to ignore that?”

His voice raises the more he talks. I can feel his anger, it’s palpable.

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