Page 48 of If Only You Hurt

He grabs my face again. “Of course I’m happy. The one girl I love, I have loved my entire life, is bringing life into this world. Not only that, a piece of us together to walk beyond us is something I will never take for granted.” He kisses me again, this time not so PG in nature. I can’t help but fall deeper in love with him.

“Um, excuse me, you still have me in the room.” Becca’s words cause Grant’s lips to break our kiss, his gaze shifting back to his sister.

“Why are you still here?” he says, and I can tell he’s over her presence right now.

“You’re going to want me here, little bro. I have the ability to give you photos. Also, we need to chat about some risks.”

I can see the alarm on Grant’s face immediately. His shoulders tense, and I wish I could wash away his fears, but right now, I’m also nervous.

Before Grant can word vomit his questions that I know he’s tabulating in his head, Becca puts her hand up and continues, “The bloodwork showed really good HCG levels. That’s the pregnancy hormone we test for, and if Laney’s calculations are correct, then she’s probably close to the end of her first trimester.” Becca’s gaze passes between me and her brother. I give a small nod for her to continue.

“That being said, Laney had an IUD when she got pregnant, and that can complicate things a bit. Getting pregnant with that in place can increase the possibility of miscarriage. We will do an ultrasound and see how things are going and also remove the IUD if the placement allows. Do you have any questions for me?”

Becca is in full doctor mode again, and I can see why she’s so good at her job. She’s not condescending with her explanation and makes you feel seen. I’ve been around plenty of doctors to know some can really make one feel like they’re taking up too much time. I know we are family to her, but I have a feeling she is simply this good with everyone. She caters to her patient’s emotions and not just their physical necessities. That’s something I’ve always loved about her demeanor in her profession.

“No, I don’t have any questions. Lane?” Grant looks over to me, his excitement replaced with concern.

I grab his hand and squeeze it. “No matter what, we can do this together, Grant. I know we can.”

A soft smile appears on his face, and he leans in and softly kisses my lips.

Right then, the ultrasound machine is pushed into the room by the nurse from earlier. She gets everything set up, probably not used to the doctor staying for this part of the exam. Becca informs her that she can handle it from there and will let the nurse assist in removing the IUD when that time comes. The nurse leaves the room to grab supplies while Becca gets the ultrasound plugged in.

“The E.R. really doesn’t like pregnant patients, but as you’re early on, you can stay here while I do all this. Our triage is completely full, so the staff here have no option but to allow me to do my thing. This nurse of yours is probably ecstatic not to be fully caring for you. I don’t know what it is about emergency rooms and pregnant people, but the two just don’t mix. I always found it funny how allergic the staff is when a pregnant person walks through the door.” She chuckles to herself as she makes sure the machine has all the things she needs.

I lay back, ready to pull my yoga pants off, when Becca stops me with her hand over mine.

“I don’t think that will be necessary just yet. I have a feeling you’re further along and I can start with an abdominal ultrasound until the nurse returns.” She gives me her reassuring smile, and I lay back, exposing my belly. “I’ll use a transvaginal Doppler ultrasound shortly to check your cervix and see what’s going on with the IUD. But for now, let’s start with checking everything out from your belly.”

Becca drapes a small towel onto the front of my pants, tucking them into the fabric to keep them from getting the ultrasound jelly on them. Then she squirts the gelatinous fluid on me, the cold making me squeak.

“Sorry, these machines don’t have the bottle warmers like the ones in my office. Now, I’m going to use the Doppler to look around. Give me a second, then I’ll explain everything after I look at it. Grant, sit back down. Your pacing is making me nervous.”

I don’t even think he realized he was nervously moving around the room until his sister called him out.

He complies with her demands, and soon, I see the black and white image on the screen. At first, it’s just a lot of random blobs, most of which look nothing like anything I can make out. But then Becca swipes across a little lower on my abdomen, and I see a black space with something inside it. That’s when I see that little something move in there, like a jelly bean with a head and extremities bouncing around. I bring my hand to my mouth, a sob breaking through as I look at what I know is our baby.

“There you go. There’s your baby.” Becca smiles brightly when she points to the screen.

The baby is fully formed. I expected a little spec, but our baby has arms and legs, a fully formed head, and is moving around in there quite a bit.

“How far along am I? I mean, this looks like a fully formed human. Oh my gosh. I haven’t been taking vitamins, Becca!” I start to feel my heart race, and Grant is quick to grab my hand and kiss my knuckles.

“It’s okay. I’ve seen the vitamins you take. They’re for women of childbearing age. They have folic acid, but you’ll have to switch over to prenatal vitamins starting now. Just make sure that you take the vitamins with food in your stomach. You have obviously had a longer bout of morning sickness, so you’ll probably get a little stomach upset if you don’t have food in your system. And to answer your other question, you’re about fourteen weeks if these calculations are accurate.”

She’s clicking things on the screen, doing what looks like measurements with the buttons at her disposal. I watch in awe as she keeps taking photos, and I see the paper spitting out the images.

Becca tells me all this, but she can’t take her eyes off the screen either. I have to remember that she’s not just my doctor right now, she’s this baby’s aunt. I think she’s in awe of what is in front of her. When she looks over, her eyes are filled with emotion.

She moves the screen for us to have a better view and then points at the baby in front of us. “So that’s the head, the arms, the legs right there. You’ve got an active one in there. You might start feeling little flutters in the weeks to come, but don’t worry if it takes a while. Some people are super sensitive to the feeling, while others may not feel anything until well into their second trimester. It might feel like the tail of a fish swimming in your belly at first. At least that’s what it felt like for me.” Her smile is warm, and her excitement is palpable.

“Okay, now I need you to strip down, removing your yoga pants and underwear. I’ll leave the room so you can do that. Grant, just poke your head out when she’s ready.”

“Becca, stop.” She’s cleaning off the Doppler and looks up in confusion when I speak.

“You don’t need to leave the room. If you’re going to be delivering this baby, you’re going to have to get used to seeing me, all of me, at some point. May as well start now. I mean, you changed my diapers, for crying out loud.” I laugh, and Becca sits back down, in shock from whatever I just said.

“You want me to deliver your baby?” She looks between me and Grant, and I can’t help the confusion that crosses my face.

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