Page 38 of If Only You Hurt

I pull myself together in the best way I can and head downstairs. The storm hit the city in the middle of the night, but it has veered a bit, and it wasn’t as bad as it was expected to be when it was first announced. It’s expected to have hit upstate New York a little more harshly, so I hope everyone at Grace’s house was prepared to lose power this morning and have enough snacks. I have nowhere to be today, so I will likely be indoors and away from the snow that’s falling outside.

The house is quiet, everyone back to their routines. Hopefully, the weather wasn’t too bad getting out the door this morning. Ellie is always excited for the new year with her students. The way she embraces her career is admirable. I don’t know how she juggles all that energy in the kindergarteners that run around her room all day just to continue the workload with her own kids here at home.

I pour myself a cup of coffee, the smell wafting up my nose and causing my stomach to roll. I leave my mug behind, the craving for the caffeinated beverage taking a backset now, and head to the fridge instead. I see some cut-up fruit Ellie likely made for the kids’ lunches, and I scoop some of that into a bowl.

Making my way to the couch, where I hope to divert my aching heart toward some documentary, I sit down and let myself rest. My body is exhausted after the long night of tossing and turning, along with this emotional rollercoaster I got on confessing everything to Grant yesterday.

Although relieved he now knows, I feel uneasy about where we left things yesterday. I feel myself reaching for my phone, but the moment I stare at his number, I toss the phone to the side. I need to give him what he asked for. I need him to process what happened, and hopefully, we can connect soon and figure out how to move forward from this heartbreak.

I flip through the different options on Hulu, finding nothing to grab my attention. Netflix is another dud today, so I decide to grab my e-reader and read one of my steamy books. I find it in the foyer, in my purse that’s hanging, and make my way back to the couch. I look outside; the snow looks like a Hallmark movie. Too bad it’s prettier than it feels. I know how dreadful it is to be out in that weather.

Usually, I’d find days like today soothing and relaxing. Unfortunately, I’m on edge with everything that’s happened, so I can’t concentrate on the book I’m currently reading. I feel the vibration from my phone for an incoming text and nearly leap to get it, hoping it’s from Grant. I’m soon disappointed.

Ellie

Hey Laney. I hope you’re ok. You did not come down for dinner last night, and I barely saw you at all. I’m here if you need me.

Thanks, El. I’ll chat with you tonight. Still home and attempting to read. I have no classes to teach today. Love you. XOXO

Ellie

I’ll see you after school today. Love you. XO

I toss the phone aside again and try to get into the book in front of me, with no luck. The words are meshing together, and the exhaustion is catching up to me from lack of sleep. I feel my eyes droop, and soon, I succumb to the sleep my body needs.

Hours later, I am in the kitchen, trying to figure out what I can make with whatever is in the fridge. My sister is always cooking; maybe I can jumpstart things to make her evening a little lighter. I have to keep my mind busy while I'm fighting the urge to call Grant the longer he stays silent on his end. The text he sent last night was the last he texted and I was hoping by now, he'd send something else.

I’m pulling veggies out of the fridge when I hear the front door open and close, the rowdy voices of my nieces coming through. Their excitement is palpable after being out all day.

Once their stuff is deposited on the hooks, they make their way over to me, both giving hugs and telling me how great their days were.

Mia, Ellie’s youngest, tells me all about the book she chose at the library for independent reading. She’s going into detail about this alien that attacks Earth, only to find out he’s not alone.

“So then, Auntie Lane, he goes to the barn, and what does he find?” Her eyes get big, waiting for me to guess.

“No clue. What?” I act as if I’m at the edge of my seat.

“There are aliens coming out of the hay bales. Can you believe that?” Her hands go up into the air, like she’s just as dumbfounded about it now as she was when she first read the book.

Mia is a bookworm. She loves to collect information from any source possible. She’s also very much into medicine and could sit with Becca for hours listening to stories from the hospital. Not sure what direction this girl will go in the future, but I’m excited to see her flourish no matter where she ends up.

Hannah comes in soon after the alien discussion has ended, taking me in. She’s the little nurturer, and she doesn’t say anything, embracing me with enough love in her arms. For that brief moment, I feel like all my problems will go away as long as I have her love surrounding me.

“Hi, Auntie Lane. How was your day? Did you have class?” Already at the age of nine, she is full of compassion for others. She’s always asking about someone’s day, even inquiring about things like she’s an adult coming home from work. It’s cute to see in a kid.

“No class today, so I just read a little of my book.”

“Ooohhh, what book, Auntie Lane?” That’s from Mia. Unfortunately, the books I read aren’t appropriate for her eyes, hence the e-reader.

“Umm, not the type of books that have me on the edge of my seat like the aliens you’re reading about. Where’s your mom?” I look up, trying to divert the subject because I do not need a seven-year-old to come snooping into my reading preferences.

“Yeah, I pick good books,” Mia says proudly. She’s moving toward the pantry, probably in hopes of finding a snack before dinner.

“Mom is taking off all her layers of clothes.” Hannah chuckles. My sister is not a fan of the cold, and she must have donned a ton of layers to get through today’s weather.

Soon enough, Ellie is walking into the kitchen, her smile growing when she sees me standing here.

“Hey. I thought I’d help with dinner.” My sister takes me in as I try to look the part of someone who hasn’t felt heartbroken for the last twenty-four hours.

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