Page 15 of If Only You Hurt

I go to school at Wyoming U, while Grant travels the world. I don’t want to make him feel obligated to be around me all the time. It feels like we just fell into this friends-with-benefits situation, and it works. He needs to live his life, and he needs to feel that freedom when he’s exploring the world. If it were completely up to me, I would confess my undying love for him and see where we land. But I would hate for Grant to feel obligated to be with me. What if he resented my confession and stayed with me for the wrong reasons? That would break me. I want Grant to want to be with me because it’s a choice, not because he feels obligated. We are both adults, and we seem to be navigating this thing between us quite well.

The moment my hotel door closes, we start to devour one another. We are diving deeper with each moment we spend together in such an intimate way. But if it isn’t hurting us, then why fight it? I mean, in my mind, he’s my beginning and my end. That I have no doubt. I also know that he and I don’t have the stars aligning, so I have to bide my time. I have to live my life and let him live his. We will come together when the time is right.

I've been dating off and on since starting school. I even slept with a guy I was dating during my second semester, but the connection felt forced. It wasn’t how it is with Grant. With Grant, I see stars. I see the sun and the warmth of a summer day. I feel loved and nurtured. And the more I date, the more I think what I have with Grant is special to unique and not easy to find.

Grant knows all my buttons, and right now, he’s caressing my breasts, licking and biting one of my nipples while pinching the other. It feels like it’s a direct connection with my core, and I need to feel him inside me. I’m desperate for him in that way right now. We haven’t gotten much time alone because Grant’s being pulled in so many directions from friends in the city and his family.

“Grant, enough of the foreplay. I need you inside me,” I beg. I need that connection to feel whole again. My shyness has been out the window since we started this with one another. Something I was usually so quiet about, I’ve finally found my voice and demand what I want.

“Shit, Laney. So demanding.” I feel his smile against my skin as he trails kisses up my sternum and on my neck. I feel the goosebumps line my flesh, and I feel a rush of adrenaline take over.

I push him down onto the bed and begin pulling down his boxers. The rest of our clothes have been lost in a trail behind us since we got into the room. Soon his cock springs out of its confinement from the underwear, and I’m nearly salivating. Grant’s dick is perfection. It’s long, not too thick, and hits all the right spots inside of me. I’d suck on it like I did in the shower yesterday, but I am too desperate to feel us connected right now, so that will have to wait.

“Bean, if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to come before this show has even started.” He smiles at me with his dimples popping out, and my heart flutters. I love him. Beyond friendship. I love him like my soul searches for him in a crowd. I love him like my breath relies on his affection.

I begin to crawl onto the bed, lining myself up over Grant’s dick. I start to slide down on his cock, and I feel immediately full.

“Fuck, that feels amazing.” I move up and then down again, and suddenly, Grant grabs hold of my hips, holding me in place.

“Shit, Laney, I don’t have a condom on.”

I can’t help the whine that comes out of me, like a toddler being deprived of a popsicle.

“It feels so good though,” I continue to ride this high because going bare feels incredible. Now that I’ve felt him with nothing between us, I don’t think I can go back. We’ve never not used a condom, but if there’s someone I wouldn’t mind taking that step with, it’s Grant.

Our gaze connects and it seems to spur us on. The lack of condom seems forgotten, our thoughts only on how this feels right now. He grabs onto my hips and starts to control the pace. I let out a moan, my back arching and my hands resting behind me on his thighs.

I think Grant feels the difference, too, as he moans, “Fuuuccckkk! Laney, this feels unreal.”

I begin moving faster, feeling his dick hitting all the right spots, and I'm chasing my release. Grant brings his thumb to my clit, and the moment he touches me there, I detonate. The second I fall off that cliff, he starts to control my movements with his hands still firmly on my hips. He’s using his legs to piston into me from below, and fuck does it feel fantastic.

“Yes, Grant, fuck me harder.” I can’t help the dirty words I’m saying, but he makes me feel feral when we’re like this.

“Shit, Laney. Fuck, you’re perfect. Your tits bouncing like that. You are fucking unbelievable.”

Soon, we’re both moaning and screaming, me chasing another orgasm while Grant feels me tighten around him. I see the strain in his neck, holding back his urge to release. Right as I’m coming off my high, he moves me so that my back is not eh bed and he’s now hovering over me. He pulls out, grabbing his cock, stroking himself until he finally lets go. I feel the warmth of his cum coat my stomach. I watch as his orgasm milks my skin and I can’t keep from thinking how dirty and hot this is all in one.

He lets his head drop back and we are both catching our breath, forgetting about the mess we’ve caused.

“Mmmm, that was incredible. I loved doing that without anything between us.” I wipe my hair off my face, feeling my heart race within my chest.

“That was fantastic. It felt incredible. Each time we have sex, it feels better than the last. How is that even possible? It’s never like that with anyone else.”

Many might feel a sting at the mention of sex with another person, but for some reason, it doesn’t feel that way to me. Maybe it stems from the fact that we continue to be best friends. The first time we started to date after prom, we felt a little hesitation in divulging that information, but once we came out with it, it felt like a weight was lifted. I never saw myself in this situation, having sex with my best friend, yet completely comfortable with the honesty we always had still being exchanged. But we’ve found that no matter what, honesty is at the forefront of what we have together.

Except for my little secret that I love him and want to call him mine, we share everything else with one another. I feel the confession at the tip of my tongue, but then something deep within me stops the words from falling out. I just can’t fathom my confession doing anything but ruining what we’ve got going on. So, we are a bit unconventional, but that seems to work for us.

“I can’t argue with that. It is always incredible with you.” I lift my head and rest my chin on his chest. “Oh my gosh! You know what we should do tomorrow before we head back to our realities? Get a tattoo!”

“What? You said you’re not into getting a tattoo, Bean.” He had asked me after prom if we should go get matching tattoos before heading off into the real world, and I wasn’t into the idea of a needle pricking my skin for the purpose of artwork on my body. But my friend Artie has a cool one on his ribs, and it piqued my curiosity.

“Well, now I do. And I want to get one with you there. You don’t have to get one.” I honestly just want him to hold my hand. He doesn’t need to commit to anything permanent like that.

“Okay. My buddy goes to someone in the city who I think is known for his shading. Do you know what you want?”

I nod, knowing my vision might be a tough one to put onto my skin, but one that I think would look really cool if done right.

“Alright. Let me reach out to Sam and see if he can make you an appointment.” Grant winks at me, and I feel my insides tingle. I lay my head back down, savoring these little moments that fill my heart with joy.

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