Page 12 of Trash Talk

The next day I find Blake, my ex-boyfriend, getting head from a half-naked chick in the middle of his frat house front room. I mean, who does that? I guess whores don’t need privacy anymore (did they ever?). He honestly thought I’d overlook it. Told me I’m the only girlfriend he’s had that’s ever cared when he got some action on the side. What a creep.

I just wanted a nice girls’ weekend. Was that too much to ask? Apparently. I can’t believe Em’s been keeping this secret. And she knew he’d be here tonight and didn’t warn me. Gamóto, can I not count on anyone anymore? And to make matters worse I have to play nice with the boy that took my virginity and pretend he didn’t also take a huge piece of my heart.

My eyes are closed and I’m in the middle of a deep breathing exercise when I smell him. Mint, grass and beer. The beer is new to the mix but not wholly bad. I sigh, “what do you want, Knox?”

“How’d you know it was me? Your eyes were closed. I could’ve been some creeper invading your personal space in the dark side alley of a bar.”

I’m not about to tell him that I sniffed him out. That I remember exactly how good he smells. I’ve been through enough mortification for one evening, thank you. “My eyes weren’t closed all the way; I saw you. And it was kinda creepy the way you were just staring at me before I said anything.” He huffs out a laugh. Hearing that sound come out of his mouth now, I realize how much I’ve missed it.

“God, Ruby. I’ve missed you. I’ve called and texted. So many times. Hoping you’d finally unblocked me.” That right there is the reminder that I need. We aren’t friends. I blocked him for a reason.

“I can see your face hardening which lets me know Em hasn’t told you anything. I’m not blaming her. For the longest time, I blamed you. But I had to let it go, Ruby. We were kids; we made mistakes.” He still reads me so well, but what the hell is he blaming me for? Forgiving me for?

“I just wish someone would tell me what I’m supposed to already know.” He sighs heavily.

“Come on, let’s sit,” he nods his head toward a bench and holds out his elbow for me. Which I take; for no other reason than not wanting to break my damn ankle in these shoes and sit out any games this season. And when I touch his skin, it doesn’t send tingles up my arm. Nor do I find it remarkably warm, firm, rough or sexy. NOR do I want to trace his tattoos with my tongue. Okay, so I’m a liar. I thought we’d established this earlier in the evening.

“I ran into Em when y’all played us last year. That’s when I found out she’d transferred to Clemson. And we had a pleasant chat about what a huge dick I was in front of about a hundred of our fellow Tigers.”

“To be fair, you were a dick.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of other people that would agree with you; I’m not denying it. But I’d never hurt you. Intentionally.” He ignores the half snort sound I make in the back of my throat, takes my hand and looks into my eyes. “I made a promise to you. One I’ve broken so many times now it makes me sick, but I never used you like you thought. That night of the party, you must’ve shown up just in time to see Brit all over me. But you left before I pushed her away and told her we were over. I never knew why y’all were so mad at me. Why you cut me off. For years. Then when I found out it was a simple misunderstanding, I lost it. It broke my fucking heart all over again.”

I’m so shocked by his admission. By what little faith I had in someone I professed to care for deeply, and I never even gave him a chance to explain his side of the story. I never even thought he had a side. I only saw them for a second before I turned around and stomped down the gravel road. Em wanted to go back and give him a piece of her mind, but I couldn’t go back up there. See them again. So, I convinced her to drive back to her house where our bags were packed and make the three-and-a-half-hour drive to Lake Norman. But that isn’t the last time I saw them; clearly, they weren’t over.

“Yeah, but y’all have gotten back together since then, so I guess you weren’t over, over. I was just a blip on the radar.”

“Brit and I have hooked up a couple times, sure. But Ruby, I never would’ve touched her again if you and I had stayed together. If you even think that for a second, you’re out of your damn mind. I was so in love with you; I thought we’d be together forever. You were my best friend, and when I lost you, I lost myself for a while.” Oh, my God. I made a horrible mistake. I’d forgive him, but technically, he did nothing wrong. That sk?la, Brit though. She’s always had ulterior motives; I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. Knox was right. He should blame me.

“Knox, I’m so sorry.” The tears I was holding back earlier, break free and a couple roll down my cheeks. He grabs the back of my head and crushes my face in his neck. Even in my despair over the loss of years, I can’t stop my body from reacting to him. His scent. His strength. His support. God, I’ve missed him. We missed out on so much. All because I ignored my best friend when I should’ve listened. This whole time I’ve been thinking I couldn’t trust my dad, Knox, or Blake. Turns out, I can’t even trust myself. Or my secret-keeping bestie. He strokes my hair until I’m calm again. “Why didn’t Em tell me?”

“I begged her not to. She said you’d moved on. And I thought if you needed to hate me to be happy with that Blake douche; then it was for the best. I didn’t want to mess it up for you.”

“How would,” I don’t get to finish my question before he cuts me off.

“Em told me he gets really jealous. And y’all fight a lot. I didn’t want to be the reason you argued or broke up.” Blake really was a douche. It wasn’t okay for me to talk to a guy, but it was just fine for him to fuck every girl on campus. “Plus, it was the end of basketball season I didn’t want you to lose focus. Then it was finals, and I didn’t want to distract you. And then it was summer. You were at your dad's, and she’d started seeing Graham. She knew she had to tell you, but by then it had all piled up and she was so busy at the vineyard, she never found quite the right time and didn’t know how you’d react. Plus, we both know how much Claudine stresses you out. We didn’t want to add to that. Em told me that she planned on telling you everything this weekend. She was just waiting for a quiet moment alone with you. I’m guessing she never got it. It’s all just out there now, and it’s too late.”

“Y’all talk about me?”

“Yeah, Shorty. We’ve talked about you. We both miss you. She didn’t want to hide anything, and then when things with her and Graham started getting serious, she was scared she’d waited too long. But, hey. Do me a favor?” I nod feebly. “Don’t be mad at me. I thought I was doing the right thing. I just wanted you to be happy. And don’t be too hard on her, I think she learned a tough lesson today.”

“I want to talk to her. Is she still inside?”

“Nope. Graham took her home. He called everyone else a cab when she started sobbing loudly and snotting all over the bar. In my opinion, throwing up on the bartender was overkill. She might be banned from The Tavern for life.”

I can’t help it. I laugh. Loud. And it feels good.

“Do me a favor?” I ask him and he nods.

“Anything.” His answer’s short, but he means it.

“Don’t hide shit from me again. I don’t need my two best friends teaming up behind my back, doing shit ‘cause they think it’s what’s best for me. I make those decisions myself.”

“You got it. Now, what do you wanna do? I’ve only had a quarter of a beer, thanks to a certain someone. I can drive you back to Em’s or...?”

The bastard still loves giving me hell. “I don’t know. It seems a little early to call it a night, Toolbox. And it’s been a while since you’ve lost to me.”

He chuckles. “God, this feels good.” His grin lights up his handsome face. “Feels right.”

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